HAPPY (belated) THANKSGIVING

I was flipping through my old second grade story notebooks when I came across a list of sorts I wrote for the Thanksgiving holiday. It's humbling to see what a child really cares about and how these thoughts have stayed with me even today. They're my roots, I guess. I have to say that #37 is completely perplexing though as I have no idea what "lecktesade" is, or what it is supposed to be. Other than that, I think you'll get the gist...


I hope you had a very Happy Thanksgiving! Cheers!

I miss you, I miss you not...

After a few weeks back in the NoDak I've pondered a bit as to what I miss and do not miss about the Twin Cities. I've composed the following lists and I think they speak for themselves...

I miss:

• My homies
• Suburban sunsets
• B.96 (We are hip hop!)
• LeeAnn Chin
• Fireflies lighting up spring evenings
  
• Piano bars
• Lakes, lakes, and more lakes
• My extremely attractive neighbor who built things, played the drums, and road his mountain bike sans a shirt
  
• City life
  
• Frank Vascellaro and Amelia Santaniello of WCCO Channel 4 News
• Caribou Coffee
• Red Box DVD vending machines
• Frogs croaking at night
  
• My aunt, uncle, and cousin
  
• Anonymity

I don't miss:

• Anonymity
• The job hunt
  
• Having to get on a highway to go pretty much anywhere other than the grocery store
  
• Being broke
• Selling pornos at the bookstore
  
• Traffic, traffic, and more traffic
• An empty home
  

Why Not Minot?!

Dear Blog World,

So it's been a while since my last post and I have much to share...

After freaking out over the possibility of returning to my hometown in North Dakota I was presented with an opportunity that I could not refuse. Truly, I would be dumb if I did. I made the rational decision to commit to working as a Rental Agent for a year in Minot. I think it will be an excellent opportunity to gain valuable work experience and I'm looking forward to having a steady source of income. I started work a week and a half ago and am enjoying what I am doing. Pretty much, I am to showing houses and apartments what Vanna White is to turning letters.

Another plus for moving home is that my parents are fixing up a little Craftsman house that I will be able to inhabit for the year. Rent will be incredibly reasonable and it is going to be so much fun decorating my first place. The house is charming and has great character. I'm super stoked that I will have an office with old French doors and an art studio with big windows. I'm feeling very inspired to write, paint, and draw... I can't wait to get into my hizzouse!

Returning to the NoDak will also be beneficial in giving me time to evaluate where I am in my life and where I want to be. Once I get settled into a bit of a routine I can really focus on if I want to return to school and if so, pursue that whole-heartedly. I think that this is the perfect opportunity to reflect on and examine my passions, strengths, weaknesses, and dreams. I'm really trying to embrace my time spent here in Minot and grow as a person in every way I can.

Anywho... I'm a bit scatterbrained at the moment, so I will conclude here. The Giants are playing the Cowboys and I'm trying to pay attention to the game... Go Giants!

Many laughs and much love,
Annie

Chocolate Bar Sweetness

Today a man--an unknown man who was in his twenties--propositioned me with a candy bar...

Okay, okay so he didn't "proposition me," but he randomly offered to buy me a Godiva dark chocolate bar at the bookstore where I work. He was rather persistent about it and it made me blush and giggle. I asked this young stranger, "Why do you want to buy me a chocolate bar?" And he simply said, "Because it's a nice thing to do. Isn't it?"

Of course I said yes it was and though I felt slightly silly, I accepted his offer. After all, he said he'd only have one if I did and who am I to deny someone chocolate?! I was sort of flustered by his generosity, so much so that I don't know if I properly thanked him. (I didn't even get his name!) I wish I would have told him he made my day. I so appreciate his kindness.

And isn't that something we need to do more often? Kindness. Random acts of kindness. We're all sooo consumed by our own "to do's," worries, and worlds that we forget we're all connected in this one world. We forget to look up and out of ourselves. We're family and it's nice to be nice. To give a little. Give a lot. We receive so much more in return.

Anywho... I don't know if this "candy man" was flirting, or just being sweet. Regardless, it was lovely and the first time a gentleman bought me anything other than a drink...or a taco. But the taco is a completely different story.

I love the 80's...

The lovely young lady wearing the white dress and standing in the middle of all the "poofiness" you see in the above photo is getting hitched this coming weekend. To celebrate her remaining days of "singledom" we embarked on a time travel adventure to the 1980's. Blue eyeshadow, heavy blush, bright pink lips, big dresses, and even bigger hair ruled the evening. And I have to say we looked dead sexy. I've never received so many hoots and hollers from the young and old, the gay and straight, men and women.

The First

I recently found a copy of the first poem I ever wrote and by wrote I mean sing... It was back in 1989 and I was five years old, hence I couldn't write. Apparently I was singing a song that I came up with. I remember my dad sitting at the kitchen table writing down the words I sung to him. Later my mom used it in our family Christmas card making me a published poet...or something like that. Anywho, here is the poem:

My heart starts beating...
The angels watch from above.
When the night is glowing,
the stars shine and
the moon starts to
wake up the night.
And when someone needs help,
I help them too.
I keep my heart beating.

National Breast Cancer Awareness Month

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month (NBCAM) and we can all do a lil' some'n to spread the word and work to save lives. I'm trying to honor this month of awareness and those women and men diagnosed with breast cancer through my voice. I don't have a lot of money to give to charitable organizations and their noble missions, but I'll gladly give of my heart.

For the month of October the background of my blog will be pink to promote NBCAM. I've also included some links to websites for more information about breast cancer and how you can help in the fight against this often, but not always devastating disease. And the truth of the matter is that you are bound to know someone affected by breast cancer...

"Breast cancer is the most common cancer in women in the United States. According to the American Cancer Society, it's estimated that About 178,480 women in the United States will be found to have invasive breast cancer in 2007. About 40,460 women will die from the disease this year. Right now there are slightly over 2 million women living in the United States who have been treated for breast cancer."
(National Breast Cancer Awareness Month: Disease Information: Breast Cancer)

As scary as those facts and statistics are, it's important to remember that there is hope.

You can make a difference in so many ways... Help care for someone affected by the disease. Raise awareness and money through fundraisers. Donate to an organization, or cause dedicated to fighting breast cancer like Lee National Denim Day on October 5th. Participate in the Susan G. Komen 3 Day, or a similar event. Most importantly, educate yourself about the disease and be diligent in regards to your own health--perform monthly breast self exams and upon turning 40, obtain regular mammograms.

Let's honor the women and men living with breast cancer and never forget those who lost their battles. Do something today to save the tatas, to save lives.

For more information, please visit the following websites...

• National Breast Cancer Awareness Month
• Lee National Denim Day
• Susan G. Komen for the Cure
  

Suburban Sunset

Story Time

Here for your entertainment is a story I wrote as a wee child. It is one of many found in the hot pink notebooks I described in my previous post. To forewarn you, there are many misspelled words and errors. (What do you expect from a second grader?) Hopefully you'll get the gist of the 177 word (I noted that in the margin) story and have a few laughs...

"Me I'm Flying For a Cange For Once"
By Ann M L

Well once upon a time. I stell live. I am going to tell a story about me with wings. Once upon a time I was on a trip to the wishing well. I wished for wings. I flew to Hollywood. But when I got on land my wings disappeard. I had a red leather dress on. And I also noticed I was 25 years old. I got a job too. I got a red Ferrari. My bosses name was Ms Miracle Mart. Her first name is Piggly Wiggly. This is how much mony I got paid 1,00000,750,0000. I lived in a matching. Then I got tired of living in Hollywood, so I moved to Alaska. They thought that I was some kind of giant brid. But we got along fine I was a farmer gril. And I also diged for gold. I got ten dolers for a farmer girl. I got gold for diging for gold. Days had past and I got sick of living in Alask so I moved again. I moved to Indana. I lived in a big hous. I worked as a movie star. They called me Ann Adule. I was fames. I had 400 dogs. 200 black labes and 200 duchshund. Then I moved home with all my dogs. But it was just a dream. The End

Why I had wings, moved to Hollywood, wore a red leather dress, worked for Ms. Piggly Wiggly Miracle Mart, moved to Alaska and farmed as well as mined for gold, became famous in Indiana...I haven't the faintest idea... I do love that my boss was named after the local grocery stores. That's genius right there. My favorite twist is that I became a movie star in Indiana as opposed to in Hollywood. I'm thinking the Ferrari is linked to my Barbie's toy version of the car. The development of my show name, Ann Adule, is no doubt due to Paula Adul and her song "Opposites Attract." And the 400 dogs... Well, that's nothing new. I love dogs.

Included with the story, as with all of my stories, was a picture...


Well, that is story time for today. Don't worry though because there are more to share. Yes, indeed. I'll introduce you to fictional characters like Buddy the Baby Cub, Cowboy Jim, the Funny Turkey, Coockoo the Baby Parrot, Fredy Fish and Pale Whale, and M.C Bunny. Get ready for some literary adventures...

Back Then

I found a couple of old, hot pink, wire bound, and wide ruled notebooks--each with seventy pages measuring 10 1/2 by 8 1/2 inches. You know, just to give you a picture... These notebooks date back to the 1991-1992 school year, when I was in the second grade, and were used to write stories for class assignments. For each story written I received a sticker of some sort to adhere to the back of my notebook. Oh, stickers...

Do you remember the excitement of stickers like I do? I mean, I would do practically anything for a sticker in elementary school. It's a good thing they were distributed by teachers for rewarding good grades and behavior because if it were the other way around... Woo! Who knows what kind of person I'd be today!

Think back though, to your elementary days of past filled with sticker glory... A gold star. The anti-littering sticker that urged us all to "Pitch In!" Those silly, smiley face stickers in bright colors. Valentine heart stickers that said, "CALL ME" and "FOREVER". (Of course now those stickers would say "TEXT ME" and "3 MONTHS".) All of the anti-drug and "Just Say No" stickers. And let's not forget the queen of stickers, Lisa Frank. But the most prized sticker of all...? Oh yeah! The scratch-n-sniff.

Seriously, how much fun was elementary school? Sooo much fun.

We enjoyed recess twice a day until the fourth grade. Because, you know, once you're a fourth grader it's time for the "real world". Lunch was filled with lunch tickets being punched (prior to this digital age), little milk cartons with skinny straws, jokes about sea food and mustard (I'll let you figure those out), and unrecognizable meals. Pencil boxes were cardboard and pencils had crazy eraser tops. Trapper Keepers were the shiznit way before the word "shiznit" was ever uttered. We checked out Where the Sidewalk Ends, The Berenstain Bears, Green Eggs and Ham, and Clifford the Big Red Dog from the library via those cute little cards tucked in pockets in the back of the books. Then we bought our favorite books through book orders and book fairs. (Amazon.com? No, thank you.) As we grew a bit older, we progressed to the "choose your own adventure" books. "To enter the dark cave in the mountain, turn to page 62. To climb the mountain, turn to page 35". Uh-may-zing. Math assignments consisted of adding 2+3 to figure out that all sections of the "color by number" design equaling 5 should be colored blue. "Heads Up 7 Up" was the best game ev-verrr, playing with a giant parachute was considered physical exercise, "show and tell" developed public speaking skills and built confidence, Pizza Hut encouraged reading with their "Book It" program, and folder forts were constructed on the tiny desks to protect against would-be cheaters.

One of my favorite elementary school fashion accessories was my rectangular backpack that was designed to mimic a locker. Forget backpacks on wheels, locker backpacks were and are way cooler. People don't seem to remember those though and it's too bad. Really, it's a shame. However, everyone does remember Hypercolor shirts, Zuba pants, those other pants girls wore with the elastic band that went around the heel, B.U.M. Equipment, inside-out sweatshirts, insulated sweats, and velcro shoes. Sooo classic.

Yeah, elementary school... Stickers for rewards. Two recesses and a lunch break. Whimsical school supplies. Solid reading material. Assignments were fun, games educational. (GeoSafari anyone?) Working out wasn't a chore. Fashion was comical. And we learned how to play the recorder in music class?!

I mean, wow... We had it all figured out back then.

I like it like that...

• I like that when I Google my name the first blurb in the search results is associated with The Joyful Heart Foundation.
  
• I like that toothpaste can double as silver polish.
• I like my handwriting.
• I like that when I empty spam from my email account Gmail proclaims, "Hooray, no spam here!" We need more "hoorays" in our daily lives.
• I like that when I'm with my friends and one asks for chapstick to hydrate her parched lips, it becomes a quick draw race and multiple hands thrust forward to the friend in need clutching a tiny tube of lip balm.
• I like that there is a certain stretch of storefront windows on North Washington Avenue in Minneapolis that flatter me with a long and lean reflection. Seriously, I have legs for days in those windows.
• I like that my local Dunn Bros knows me by my drink of choice: medium Chai Latte.
• I like that when I hear a particular song it reminds me of a fantastically random memory.
• I like that when I let my curls down for the evening, after being pulled up all day, they hold on to their form somewhat. It makes my hair look like its flying in the non-existent wind and it makes me giggle.
• I like that my dogs absolutely love me just the way I am.
  
• I like that my family thinks I am phenomenally talented even when I don't.

Fire Within the Heart

I finally painted again and it felt goooood...

"Fire Within the Heart"

The acrylic painting was donated to a silent auction that my fabulous friend, Shauna, organized. She is competing this October in San Francisco as a Team In Training member in the Nike Women's Full Marathon. Not only is she running 26 miles, she is also raising $3800 to benefit The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. I think she is fantastic for doing so and therefore it was my great honor to create a painting for the event in order to help her raise funds for a wonderful organization and cause.

An older picture of running phenom Shauna with my straight haired alter-ego, Anastasia.

Click here for more information about Team In Training.

Happiness...

Things and/or people that make me smile and/or laugh... (In no particular order.)

• My quote book
• Amy Sedaris
• Dogs
• Tea
• Blankets
• Philanthropy
  
• Ellen DeGeneres
• Sunsets
• Cooking for people
• My homie Shauna being her hilarious self
• An old, worn and comfy hoodie
• Art
• Baths
• Wanda Sykes
  
• Playing cards with my family
• Long philosophical talks
• The Boundary Waters Canoe Area
• Pretending I can beatbox
• Good wine
• Exploring faith
  
• My homie Beth and her lack of a filter at inappropriate times
• Reading old cards and letters
  
• Toddlers waddling
• Floating in the water
• Oprah Winfrey
• Poetry
• Dreams
• Playing basketball for fun
• Creating and expressing
• Dancing
• My homie Kelsi and her ability to acquire free drinks
  
• Chess
• Warm towels
• Flip flops
• Hugs
• Flight attendant instructions
• Chocolate
• Meeting extraordinary people
• Mariska Hargitay
  
• Traveling
• Mail
• Photos
  
• Autumn leaves raining from trees
  

Release

Last night my mind was kept up by thoughts of poetry. Little thoughts were tapping me on my shoulder seemingly saying, "Excuse me, um excuse me. I'm here for you. Do something with me please." And so, per their request, I did not ignore these thoughts. I paid close attention to their suggestions, "Put me here. Join me with that thought. I belong there." What resulted was the first poem I have written in quite some time and it was the accomplishment of my day. I stayed up into the wee hours of the morning in order to weave these thoughts into meaning before they slipped away and escaped me forever. The ironic part is that I denied myself sleep so as to pen a poem about cherishing sleep. Funny how that works out isn't it? Well, at least I think that it is funny. Anywho, here is the poem...

"Release"

When sleep comes and settles
into the seams of your eyes
for the evening,
quietly sealing away
the chaos of the world,
I hope it opens up the doors
painted in red, yellow, blue, and green
to your similarly vivid dreams.
So that in sleep you are awakened
to the truth you have desperately stored
in a forgotten nook of your heart.
I pray you release yourself
and reach in then out
into the endless possibilities.
That you roam freely under
the forgiving starry sky,
tending to your spirit along the way.
And when you feel your body start to stir
I hope you gather your being back up
with open arms and return
to the boundaries of your body.
May you gently wipe the sleep from your eyes
and peer through your fluttering eyelashes
before welcoming the light of a shiny new morning.
Awaking with peace and thanks
to another day of the merciful mess
affectionately known as life.

I like today...

Today was not extraordinary, though there were moments that were out of the ordinary. All and all this day was average, but splendidly so. Here's why...

When I entered my bedroom I was greeted by the smell of peanut butter and jelly. I don't know why it smelled of a PB&J sandwich, but it did. It was random, but I liked it.

There was a grasshopper hanging out on my living room window, high above his world. I am unsure if he was clinging to the spot, or just enjoying the view. Regardless, he's been there for two days and I appreciate that he chose to visit my window and bare his belly to me. I wonder if he will be there tomorrow... If so, I think I'll have to name him.

I enjoyed a lovely conversation with a dear friend. It was so nice to chat with someone who "gets me." She shared great insight into my current complexes and provided a fresh perspective about a matter that has troubled me. We shared laughs and made promises to each other to cultivate bravery in our respective lives. Her wisdom made me happy.

Finally I will mention that today was dark and rainy, but it was a nice break from the August heat providing a welcomed glimpse into the fall. I wore my favorite sweat pants, enjoyed a cup of tea, and sunk into all things cozy. It was great, truly great.

This day was usual, but what was unusual was my gratitude for the usual. I need to give thanks more often. It brings a calmness into my heart and gives life to a deep, yet simple peace.

Purpose.com

One uneventful evening I took a tour of my favorite internet destinations. After visiting my email account, Facebook, Mariska.com, and so on I decided to type random words followed by a "dot com." For example, I punched in "holla.com."

Finally I thought, "Hmm... What about purpose.com?" And so I ventured to my online purpose only to find a roadblock similar to the one I face in reality...

When purpose.com loaded I was brought to an almost entirely blank white page. A message written in simple capital letters stated: ACCESS FORBIDDEN. And below that foreboding statement purpose.com declared, "Access denied. Please click on the back button to return to the former page."

I had to laugh because I felt that it was ironic. I know it doesn't mean anything unless I give it meaning, but seriously... If I'm struggling to understand my purpose in life can I just please find a virtual purpose?

Peace Overflows in the Tub

I took a bath yesterday evening for the first time since I don't know when. Please don't be mistaken, I do shower daily, but a bath is a rare occasion. Anyway...

I was surrounded by everything calming: warm water, bubbles, the soft glow of candlelight, poetry. I was serenaded by sweet music, as well as by the steady rhythm of Butkus breathing, who was sleeping by the side of the tub thankful that he did not have to take a bath. The big boy is not a fan of water unless it is in his water bowl.

The experience of the bath was ever so peaceful and for that moment in time my life was perfect. (It is in the little and often unnoticed things where perfection resides.) I was where I was meant to be right there and then.

Instead of feeling lost in this world, I was lost in the eloquent language of poetry...

But surely death must possess that one tiny,
Intricate light created by the small certainty
Of its own name. And, darling, I know this too,
That in the moment that death comes to cover you,
Lying down carefully over your body, fitting itself
So well, forming belly to belly, matching
Its spreading fingers exactly to your open hands,
Finding its own thighs and its heart and its motion
By finding yours, in that moment, just like a flame
Catching hold suddenly in the center of a lantern
And rising then to fill the dark void of the forest
With its place, death will have no choice,
Must be transformed, illuminated, filled to its farthest
Boundaries by all the glorious sins and virtues
Of your real and radiant grace.
-Excerpt from "The Light Inside of Death" by Pattiann Rogers in her book of poetry entitled Splitting and Binding

Instead of feeling lost in this world, I felt found in ideas. I was stripped of my worries, fears, doubts, and insecurities. All of the "noes" slipped away the moment I slipped under the still water. I was blanketed in serenity, hope, joy, and truth. I was exposed and I was me. I was real. Yes.

I prayed to God that the peace would settle in my soul and linger. That everything that has been holding me back from pursuing peace daily, would wash away like the dirt from my body. I prayed to come to know Him better and through knowing Him, that I would come to know myself even better and realize His dream for my life and fulfill it. I prayed to live and I mean really, truly live.

Find My Way

Sooo... My brother obtained a new job back in our hometown of Minot, ND. I'm extremely happy for him because it is a great opportunity that will enable him to get his foot firmly in the door of education. It will also be a nice break from his current job, which definitely tears at his heart from time to time being he works with emotionally disturbed youth. Finally, he'll be closer to our parental unit--something both he and my parents will enjoy.

I, on the other hand, am still unemployed and apparently turning into the black sheep of the family. And when my brother moves I'll be homeless since I live with him. Even worse, I'll be separated from my four legged nephew.

My beloved Butkus.

But worse yet, if I don't get my life in control I, too, will be moving back to Minot. If that were to happen I'd at least be close to Butkus, but truly that would not be my ideal living situation. I am proud of where I come from, but for a girl who dreams of NYC that would be a depressing step backwards.

There's nothing and no one there in Minot for me...

I'm just sooo completely frustrated and exhausted. I have shut down and I feel horrible for doing that because it's silly when there are people who are actually fighting their way through a true ordeal. I have no idea what I want to do, what I should do, and where I should be here and now in my life. I've never felt so lost, so alone. I've never felt so absurd. How do I not have a "real job"?! It's ridiculous on my part, I know.

I don't expect to have my dream job at twenty-three. Heck, I don't even know what exactly my dream job is because there is just so much I hope to do. But this world of business seems so petty. I guess I have my head in the clouds. Forgive me, I'm just not equipped for the real world. I never have had to "put myself out there" before and the thought of having to do so now is...is...slightly terrifying.

I want to be brave. I need to be brave.

I should backtrack because I do know what I want to do with my life... I want to write and paint and design my own cards and draw and craft a message. I want to create. And through my creations I want to reach people, touch their hearts, and impact them. I want to make a difference...


But how can I pursue all of that when I am broke? Money doesn't make the world go 'round, but it definitely helps one make her way around the world.

Please pray I find my way.

More questions to ponder...

• Why is Carson Daly still on TV? There should be a law that only comedians can have a late night talk show. Really, I just don't find him funny. And though I'm typically asleep when his show airs, I just think that it is the principle of the thing.
  
• Have you ever, for lack of better words, felt sorry for individuals eating in public by their selves? I have, but I have no problem eating by myself. Why is that?
• When a couple is riding in a single cab truck why is it necessary to sit side by side? If you can't drive a few blocks without being hip to hip you have a problem.
• Why am I called "ma'am" by 18 year olds? I am only 23 and therefore only 5 years older. Ma'am-calling should not happen until I am at least in my 40ies.
• When will wireless headphones become mainstream for MP3 players and other similar portable devices? I'm really tired of always having to untangle mine and running gets annoying as well. Wireless headphones would be phenomenal and frankly, their introduction is overdue.
• What is it about babies and dogs that just makes me want to kiss and hug them? Fear not, I have self restraint and only love up babies and dogs I know. But truly, the sight of babies and dogs instantly makes my heart happy.
  
• What has happened to manners? I think it is not only polite, but also necessary to thank someone for, let's say, holding the door open for you. Moreover, it doesn't hurt to hold a door open for someone else.
• How is it that a soda, a beer, and/or a glass of juice can be so full of calories? I mean, understand it, but they're liquid! There's practically nothing to them. I just think that beverages should not add up to a...a...steak in terms of calories when their masses are completely different. You know what I mean?
• If Miss, as in Miss Johnson, is spelled M-I-S-S why does she acquire an "r" when she obtains her M-R-S and becomes Mrs. Olson? Where does that "r" come from? Mr.? I mean the woman takes the man's last name and she has to take along a random "r" as well? I don't get it.
  
• What is the fascination with Paris Hilton and other Paris Hilton-esque "celebrities"? I don't know her, and don't like or dislike her. I'm pretty much indifferent. But why is she so newsworthy when there are twenty-somethings running marathons, overcoming cancer, and contributing to their communities?
• How does a bridge suddenly and completely collapse with seemingly no immediate warnings? This just should not happen.
  

More of the randomness that is me...

• A life goal of mine is to develop a nonprofit that uses the arts to raise funds and awareness for various social issues, as well as to assist those affected by tragedy, illness, poverty, and violence.
• I love when the moon rises at night and also when it shows its face during the day.
• Bruises and scrapes resulting from playing sports, or being physically active make me feel tough. Bruises and scrapes caused by my own clumsiness make me laugh at myself.
  
• I have several quote books filled with the many hilarious comments my friends have made. In the future I plan on writing a novel using only their quotes as the dialogue. It should be interesting--very, very interesting.
• Ever since becoming a fan of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit I have been extremely suspicious of plain white vans like those used by painters and maintenance men. It seems that "perps" frequently drive those vans in particular.
  
• The first time I had a Twinkie I was in the sixth grade.
• I have incredibly weird dreams nearly every night. For example, I recently dreamed that I was swing dancing with Al Pacino.
  
• I love Robins. Last summer my mom woke me up one morning because there was an injured Robin in our driveway. We named the bird Chirpy and tried to nurse him back to health, but unfortunately were not successful in our efforts. Since I have lived in Minnesota I haven't seen a single Robin and it makes me miss Chirpy even more.
  
• I think that Free Runners are positively amazing athletes/artists.
  
• On the back of my left hand there is a small, faint, double "l" scar due to a tubing incident when I was in junior high. I hit a wave, my head whipped down and the braces bracket on my front left tooth collided with my hand cutting it.
  
• Men who can cook, build, speak a foreign language, draw, play a sport, make music, tell a joke, and/or love dogs and kids are incredibly attractive to me.
  
• I sort of wish I was a firefly so I could shine light on darkness. That's a strange wish, I know, but it's more metaphorical than anything.

Transformation Proclamation

On May 21st of this year I made a sort of "transformation proclamation." I vowed to myself--and to friends--that from there on out, I would hold myself accountable for the person I am and strive to become the person I hope to be...the person I am meant to be. Alas, over a month later I haven't made a whole lot of progress. It's a difficult thing to do, transform, when your life needs improvements in every which way...

I've mainly been focusing on developing a career in order to become a financially stable and independent young woman. Unfortunately, I haven't received the response from employers that I hoped for and there just haven't been opportunities that I qualify for... It's entirely frustrating to feel inadequate when I know that I am intelligent, I am capable, I am someone of worth who has much to offer. But how do I get that to translate? That is the question and that is what I continue to work on so that one day soon, I can work.

Another area which I am hoping to improve in is that of my own personal health. I have been trying to eat healthier and have had some success, with the occasional setback. But I have been running and, for me, that is a huge accomplishment. Trust me, I'm not a natural born runner. However, I've actually surprised myself because I am kind of liking running. I like using my body because I want to take advantage of my physical abilities while they last and I want to become healthier. Plus, I really do love feeling the "good aches" because it means that I've found--and used--muscles I have neglected.

Finally a point of emphasis has been growing in my faith. I think it is very important to come know God because through Him, I'll come to know myself. He provides for me everyday and has blessed me in so many ways. I want nothing more than to bring glory to His name with my life--indeed, that is the reason behind my transformation. Even if I had some hot shot job, loads of cash, the nicest clothes, a sweet ride, a MTV Crib worthy home, yadda, yadda, yadda... Even if I had all of that, it would mean nothing without God. God brings meaning and purpose to my life.

So with that thought, I continue to pursue the "better me." Progress takes time and transformation is a daily task, but the reward is sooo worth it. The reward is a life truly lived, a life that will have mattered, and a life that leads to God.

"Don't you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit,
who lives in you and who was given to you by God?
You do not belong to yourselves but to God;
he bought you for a price.
So use your bodies for God's glory."
-1 Corinthians 6:19-20-

"The only accurate way to understand ourselves
is by what God is and by what he does for us."
-Romans 12:3-

"A life devoted to things is a dead life, a stump;
a God shaped life is a flourishing tree."
-Proverbs 11:28-

"Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world,
but let God transform you inwardly
by a complete change of your mind.
Then you will be able to know the will of God--
what is good and what is pleasing to Him and what is perfect."
-Romans 12:2-

To whom it may concern, a letter...

Dear Blog World,

So much has happened in the recent couple of months that there just isn't enough time to detail all of the major happenings in the news and in my own life. However, I'll try to skim... (The operative word being try.)

I wanted to congratulate Pat Summitt and the Tennessee Lady Vols on winning their 7th Women's National Basketball Championship. Even though I'm from the NoDak, the Lady Vols captured my heart. When I was in the eighth grade, phenom Chamique Holdsclaw led them to a perfect season as they crushed LaTech to win the championship. I've been in love with them ever since. But that was back in '98 and I was fearful during that span of 9 championship-less years that I was bad luck to Pat and her crew. I mean UConn won multiple titles for pity sake! Alas, I'm no jinx and UT has plenty of game...and current phenom, Candace Parker.

Unfortunately, their fabulous win was overshadowed by the idiotic and cruel remarks of Don Imus towards the Rutgers Scarlet Knights (Tennessee's opponent). Those comments were, of course, completely uncalled for. Especially because when one has a hair-do like he does (a shaggy version of the Trump), one has no right to talk about anyone else's hair. Don, you're an old white guy...own it. Anywho... Vivian Stringer and her young team worked extremely hard in turning their season around in order to make it to the Final Four. They deserve tremendous credit for their play, as well as for the class they demonstrated throughout the Imus "situation."

It would be irresponsible of me not to at least mention the horrific shooting at Virginia Tech, but really I am at a loss for words... All I can say is that my thoughts, love, and prayers are with everyone affected by the tragedies of that April day. I know your lives are forever changed, but I sincerely hope you can heal and find peace.

There's no smooth, or appropriate transition from this topic to the next, so I'll just move on...

The beginning of May sent me on a quick trip to New York in order to interview for a job at an ad agency. I flew solo and wandered around the city with me, myself, and I...and my iPod. I also had the joyful opportunity of visiting one of my favorite nonprofits while I was there and that was truly a lovely treat. All and all it was a great experience, but I didn't obtain the job. I think it was for the best because the timing just wasn't right, but I was frustrated to learn the reason for not being hired. Apparently I was well-liked and regarded as intelligent and articulate, but I was too reticent. In other words, I didn't talk about myself enough. What can I say...? I'm from the Midwest, we don't like to draw attention to ourselves. But despite the frustration, it's a lesson learned and I'll know one area I can improve upon in the future.

After my trip to the East Coast I returned to North Dakota. I visited friends at UND and celebrated Springfest, which is a one day party in the park prior to finals. Fest-goers arise earlier than they normally would for school to enjoy breakfast and drink specials. They wear crazy and, more often than not, inappropriate shirts special for the occasion. And some--like a few of my friends--tie themselves together with bungee cords so as not to lose one another. Pretty much, they party. It's been known to get wild and so in recent years Springfest has been under tight security with alcohol restrictions (it used to be B.Y.O.B., but now has a beer garden). As long as no one burns anymore furniture we should be good.

Following my stint in Grand Forks I traveled back home to Minot for the first time since I moved to the Twin Cities. It was extremely nice to visit the parents and pooches. We headed to the lake for a few days, which was wonderful despite the fact that the weather wasn't the nicest. I was very happy to be able to spend Mother's Day with my momma. I was also happy to visit friends and family that I haven't seen for quite some time.

I returned to Minnesota after about a week and a half in the good ol' hometown. Awaiting me was my brother, his dog, and our dirty house. (A man's idea of clean is mind-boggling...) There's nothing like cleaning for two days straight only to have to re-clean it after a party, which was exactly what happened to me. But now that our home is back in order, I'm back to job hunting. It's work in and of itself, but hopefully it will pay off soon because I'm itching to do something more exciting than walk the dog (as much as I do enjoy a nice walk in the sunshine and fresh air). That and uh...I need to earn some money. I mean, someone has to buy groceries around here!

Anyway the upcoming days will be filled with the hunt and some fun. I have the honor of being a chaperon for a good family friend. The young lady, fresh out of her freshman year in high school, will be flying in to go to the Gwen Stefani concert and I am in charge of her stay in the Cities. I feel so adult...well, sort of.

Okay, this got long, didn't it? But I had a lot to talk about for two months time! And remember, I said I'd try to skim. Have a good one Blog World! God's blessings.

Many laughs and much love,
Annie

Hire Me: Communication Graduate Seeking Entry-Level Career Opportunity

Can someone please explain to me why an entry-level career requires two to three years of experience? I thought the whole point of an entry-level career was to gain experience. Apparently I'm wrong, very wrong. I'm also screwed because I do not have two to three years of experience for anything. How am I supposed to obtain a job? Help. Someone, anyone. Help me. Please. I'm a capable, hard working, intelligent individual. I've got to be good for something, dang it!

"Don't worry dude, MTV gonna pimp your ride!"

I just do not understand the fascination with "tricking out" vehicles unworthy of being pimped. Example: I saw a Pontiac Aztec with rims.

Excuse me, rims on a Pontiac Aztec? Really? Rims don't go with an Aztec at all. That vehicle is made for the "great outdoors." It even has its own little tricks for the camping life and what not, so by no means are rims necessary on a Pontiac Aztec.

Furthermore, just yesterday I cringed--and okay I admit it, I laughed, I'm guilty--when I came across a Ford Focus all done up. The hatchback "Hocus Focus" had extremely tinted windows, the clear light biznass, and a vented sporty hood. But to top it off, a personalized license plate stated the "obvious." It read, "2 PHAT."

Whhhyyyyy? I just don't get it! Why would you spend more money on a Ford Focus then you need to?! That little hatchback should be deemed "unpimpable" and come with the warning of, "DO NOT TRICK OUT." And don't even get me started on people who buy the plastic spinners from Wal.Mart. The only thing that is worse than that are cars with two plastic spinners. At least buy a complete set! Please, I beg you. Oh, and puh-lease do not paint your car sherbet orange. Here's a good rule of thumb, avoid pastel colors all together. And finally, if possible (and this should be possible) steer clear of spoilers that could double as dining room tables.

Okay, maybe I'm being mean. If pimping your "unpimpable" ride makes you happy, well then, good for you. By all means, be happy. But I can seriously think of better ways to spend money, like donating it to charity, stocking your kitchen with groceries, and buying new shoes. The list goes on. And hey, if you want to spend money on your car, why not just fill up your gas tank, change the oil, wash it, tune it up, rotate the tires... That's money well spent.

Desperate Times call for desperate measures...

A few days ago I was finishing my hosting shift at the restaurant I work at around 3:00 p.m. when a woman came to the host stand. She was in her late thirties to early forties, well dressed, and somewhat frantic.

"Hi! I have a flight to catch and this is a really random favor, but all of the airport parking lots are full and I was wondering if maybe someone could help me by coming with me to the airport and then bringing my car back here and then my husband will pick it up later," she said in literally one breath.

I was somewhat taken aback by the desperation hanging in her voice, but I offered to help. "Well, I just finished working so I can go with you," I stated.

"Are you serious? I'll pay you! How much do you want?"

"Oh really, it's not a problem," I replied. And it wasn't. I was indeed done working and the airport was and is maybe a ten minute drive from where I work, so why not help her out? After all, if I were in her position I'd hope that someone would help me out as well.

I told my manager the situation and he gave me a concerned look. "Do you know her?" he asked. I told him that I didn't, but that I could "take her" if need be. I wasn't concerned though because she seemed like a nice woman who was really just in need of spur of the moment random help.

So I followed her to her car, which was a nice Volvo, and got in. She told me her name was Becky and that she was so appreciative of my help. "This is the most random thing I've ever done," she added. I said that I understood that desperate times call for desperate measures and that I was happy to help. She mentioned that she tried to get a cab, but that it was going to be a twenty minute wait--twenty minutes she didn't have to spare as she was off to Chicago for a business trip in which her boss would be picking her up.

During our brief drive we talked about how I was in search of a career, Oprah, and that the parking lots were full because of spring break. As we were nearing the drop off zone Becky's husband called her. He was obviously getting back to her after receiving a panic stricken voice mail. Becky gave him the 411.

"I made a new friend and she is coming with me to the airport and then is taking my car back to the restaurant and then you and Sara need to pick it up later. She'll leave the keys under my seat." She said all of this in, again, literally one breath.

"Are you serious?" he asked somewhat dubiously. Then he said, "Just give her the car. Does she need a car?"

We both laughed and she continued on with her conversation. She noted that she got my name and phone number because she wanted to pay me and said that I was looking for a job, so he should try and help me out. Then she pulled to a stop outside of the airport doors, quickly got out of the car, and flew open the back door pulling out her suitcase. With her cellphone in her left hand and up to her ear and her purse and suitcase in tow in her right hand she thanked me and rushed off to catch her flight. Typical business woman, right?

"Nice to meet you. Have a safe trip!" I said and then climbed into the front seat. I adjusted the seating position and mirrors and slowly drove away, laughing to myself the whole drive. I couldn't believe the amount of trust this woman had. I could have easily drove away with her vehicle!

I was very thankful that I didn't get pulled over or get in a car accident because would I have some explaining to do to the authorities! But the drive was just fine and I parked the car in the restaurant lot and locked the doors with the keys inside as I said I would. The whole experience was random and extremely joyful. Becky was so appreciative and it just really made my day that I could help keep her day rolling as planned. Again, the trust was absolutely awesome and I'm thankful I had the opportunity to help.

It can't be March already, can it?!

Well February certainly came and went, didn't it? Cripes. I only managed one posting? Oh well, I'm sure you (whoever you are) didn't mind. I have my reasons for not posting, however...

First of all, my days have been filled with work. I obtained a serving job at a restaurant in St. Paul. I wish that it was a bit closer to home for my gas guzzling truck's sake and for my wallet's benefit. I also wish that I earned more moolah, which is again for my wallet's benefit. While I'm making wishes here I should inform you that my biggest wish of all is that I had an actual career with an eight to five, Monday through Friday job complete with a nice salary and solid benefits package, paid vacation... Sigh. But even though it's not much, it is a job and I am thankful for that. I also enjoy the opportunity to interact with people. I'm so much more alive when I can make people happy. And though I realize that I can't live for others, for I live only for God, I can live so that others might live a happier life. Yeah, yeah I know that I'm only a waitress, but for the time being I can make the world a better place, one table at a time.

My other excuse for the lack o' blogging is extremely valid for I have not had a working computer for quite some time. My iBook officially died a couple of months ago after a long and hard fought battle. It's really my fault. I loved my iBook, but I tried to make an improvement to it which ended up being a terrible setback that it never fully recovered from. Excuse me, I just need a moment here... Okay, I've composed myself. So after the demise of my computer I turned to my brother's old school clam shell/toilet seat looking iBook. That was working a-ok, but then the battery died after the adapter broke. Thankfully my parents were nice enough to help us out with the purchase of a new battery and adapter; those two parts alone added up to a $250 bill. I'd love a brand spanking new, full loaded iBook, but being I couldn't even afford to foot that bill I'm sticking with sharing my brother's computer. Anyway, since I was without internet there was to be no blogging from me. I was going through withdrawals, but I think that an internet free life has been good for me. I had become too dependent, some might say addicted, to various legal and non-creepy internet activities (i.e. checking my Facebook and email, visiting my favorite sport and celebrity websites, watching random YouTube videos). Now I don't feel the urge to check my email thirty-two times a day. It's a good thing. However, I have been frequenting many car websites in search of an affordable, safe, and fuel efficient/environmentally friendly vehicle.

But I won't get started on that biznass because this is already an extremely long post. I guess I'm just trying to make up for lost time, but by doing that I'm taking up your time! So I'll end here with a "thanks for reading" and "have a fabulous day!"

Description

The man walks about with untied shoes
and wears no jacket in the bitter cold.
He knows the art of punctuation
and what a perfectly placed comma
will do to a person.
Drinks cheap vodka
like it's water,
literally pissing away his money.
He scratches himself
and never combs his hair.
He paints portraits of people
in their true colors as he sees them
and laughs at their reactions to his work.
He doesn't vote
or believe in politics
or even watch the news.
Can't swim or dance,
but still dives into the rhythm of the tide.
He speaks nonsense to please his therapist
and occasionally phones his mother.
Calls me woman,
not girl or young lady,
but woman.

The man is dangerous.

Random Me

Well I haven't posted for a little while, but I can't think of anything poignant to share with the blog world so I am opting to disperse some random information about me. Please don't think I'm self-centered for doing so because I'm really not a narcissistic person, promise. I just truly cannot think of an important topic to discuss. Anyway, on with the randomness...

• My thought process is all over the place. Let me tell you, it's quite the process of how I start at point A and arrive at point B. It's a good thing my friends and family are patient and have a good sense of humor.
• I have diagnosed myself as "slightly O.C.D." For example... All of my frames, knickknacks, and other decorations have to be "just so" (I inherited this trait from my mother); any labels must face forward; and CDs have to be the right side up in their cases. I'm not a "neat freak" when it comes to everything, but there are certain things that I like a certain way.
  
• Because I have extremely curly hair my older brother used to tell people that I stuck my finger in a light socket. This was absolutely hilarious to him when we were kids. Charming, isn't he?
• I can't leave home without chapstick in my pocket. But just in case I do forget to stash it in my pocket I have chapstick stored in my desk, nightstand, makeup bag, purse, and vehicle.
  
• I am very fond of bags of all sorts and wish that I had a Mary Poppins Carpet Bag. You know, like the one where she pulls a lamp out. It would make packing sooo much easier.
  
• I pass out when I donate blood, but I don't mind it too much because that means I get all the free juice and cookies I want. Yesss!
• I always have to have a full glass of water next to my bed at night.
  
• My feet look exactly like my mom's. It's almost eerie.
• My childhood ambition was to become the first woman in the NBA and then in about fifth grade I came up with the WNBA. Of course, it wasn't until 1997 before anyone paid any attention to me.
• I'm not a one word answer kind of gal, in fact I tend to ramble. It runs in the family.
  
• When I was in the first grade I was stepped on by a sheep in the face during my ride in a Mutton Bustin' contest. I took home the glorious first place trophy, however, complete with a golden plastic sheep. The next day at school my best friend asked, "What happened to you? Did you get stepped on by a cow?" Close enough.
• In high school I slept with my basketball. I swear that it helped my shooting touch.
• I'm very much so indecisive. Never ever ask me the following question: "Where should we go out to eat at?"
  
• My claim to fame is that I was referred to as "the artist" in a Page Six article of the New York Post a couple of years ago.
  

Bring On a New Day

It’s late, but there’s life in these homes yet.
People are still awake
and I’m on the outside.
Yes I’m on the outside looking in,
wondering if they’re happy
and if so,
can I be happy like them?

See my life is not so bad,
but I can’t shake this feeling of sad
and I don’t know why,
so I just cry.

I don’t want to think,
don't want to think this way.

So bring on a new day.
Bring on tomorrow.
Bring on a new day
and let go of this sorrow.

Because in order to be held,
I have to let go of myself.
In order to be held,
I have to let go.

It’s just that this hurt
wears a different kind of shirt,
it’s yellow in my mind,
but it’s not mine.

I don’t want to think,
don't want to think this way.

So bring on a new day.
Bring on a true peace.
Bring on a new day
and bring on the release.

Because in order to be held,
I have to let go of myself.
In order to be held,
I have to let go.

It’s late, but there’s life in my head yet.
Thoughts are still awake
and I’m sitting inside.
Yes I’m sitting inside looking out,
wondering if they’re happy
and if so,
what is happy all about?

Bring on a new day,
bring on a new day
and let go.
Bring on a new day
and embrace my soul.

Questions to ponder...

• Why does Carson Daly have a late night talk show? He’s not funny.
• When teams play in championships, shirts and hats are made in advance for them and should they win they get to sport them on the field or on the court. But what about the losing team? "Champions" shirts and hats were made for them as well, so what happens to those shirts and hats?
  
• Who turns on city street lights? I’m sure there is a timer set to turn the lights on at night or something like that, but what about when it's foggy in the middle of the day? Someone has to turn on the lights then. I’d also like to know if there is a giant light switch.
• Why do celebrities, who have the means to purchase pretty much whatever they want, receive oodles of free stuff? I’m not hate’n, I just find it ironic.
• Why do characters on TV and in the movies wear backpacks on one shoulder? No one has done that for real since the 90s and besides, it’s not good for your back. If they want to hang a bag on one shoulder why not use a one strap backpack or a messenger bag?
• Who thought of Hypercolor shirts and why did they stop making them? I so wish that I still had my pink and purple Hypercolor shirt. There's nothing so glamorous as to feel like a chameleon.
  
• If you're from North Dakota, as I am, how can you think you're a gangsta? A former classmate of mine is attempting to make it as a rapper and I admit that she's not bad, she can flow. But she makes repeated claims of her gangsta status all the while denying her NoDak roots; she does this, I would imagine, so people will not question her being a gangsta. North Dakota has farmers, business people, some pretty good athletes, Josh Duhamel, and hella fabulous teachers, but we do not have gangstas.
• Who gave Carson Daly a contract for a late night talk show? Is Ashton punking us?

Bottomless Beverage of Goodness

Why is bad news pretty much the only news? Why do we need a “spotlight” on good news or good people? Shouldn't good news dominate the airwaves, and newspaper and magazine pages?

Okay, okay so I guess there's more than just bad news in the media. After all, celebrity sightings and gossip also rule the headlines. Oh, and sports and the weather too. And then, as I previously mentioned, there's the occasional "feel good" story. But honestly, our media seems to be drinking from a glass that is half empty because every day I only learn about all things negative. In fact, there is so much emphasis on hurt, crime, and violence that I'm thinking the media's glass must just contain a couple of sips worth of a beverage.

And on a side note, I truly hope that their beverage of choice is water and not some other clear liquid... Sometimes I wonder.

While it is no doubt important to bring these negative sorts of matters to our attention, I feel that it is equally important to bring positive energy to the lives of people. I know that we live in a violent society; really, I'm not naive enough to believe that we live in a fairy tale sort of land or utopia. And I understand that because we live in an imperfect world the media has a duty to report on our imperfections. By no means can we ignore injustices and pretend that everything is fine and dandy, but to use a classic phrase: “violence begets violence.” If all we see, read, and hear is bad news then isn't it likely that we will continue to produce bad news?

Maybe, just maybe if we paid more attention to the good in and around us it would inspire others to do good. Maybe if we had more of a “pay it forward” attitude rather than a “pay back” mentality we might find ourselves in a more positive state. Maybe...

I know this is sensitive and complicated and I do not presume to have the answers in regards to stopping the violence and hurt, but I prefer to believe that there is more good than bad in the world. So instead of just spotlighting the good, let's make the good shine. Let's fill our glasses to the brim and even order a bottomless beverage of goodness. And you know what? Let's order a round of bottomless goodness for the media as well! They certainly can use a refill.

Cheers!

“So let us not become tired of doing good;
for if we do not give up,
the time will come when we will reap the harvest.”
-Galations 6:9-

“My dear friend, do not imitate what is bad,
but imitate what is good.
Whoever does good belongs to God;
whoever does what is bad has not seen God.”
-3 John 11-

“Let us be concerned for one another,
to help one another to show and to do good.”
-Hebrews 10:24-

Crazy-Pee-In-Your-Pants-Funny

Please, please, puh-lease Google the funniest person alive: Amy Sedaris.

I'm telling you there's good wholesome funny (think Ellen DeGeneres) and spastic funny (a la Mario Cantone) and plain old inappropriate funny (who else but Kathy Griffin). And then... AND THEN there's crazy funny, a kind of funny that embodies all funnies and that, my friends, is Amy Sedaris. Amy is ADD, talented, witty, beautiful, bizarre, crafty, genius, and potentially on crack. All that adds up to one brilliantly hilarious pint sized funny lady. Not to mention that she is a best-selling author for her fabulous book I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence.

If you are unfamiliar with Amy Sedaris do as I said before, Google her, and then search for some fantastically funny video clips of her on YouTube. I assure you, you will not be disappointed. In fact, if you are sad or upset or depressed I am prescribing a healthy dosage of Amy Sedaris. Hell, if you're as happy as a Lutheran at a pot luck (a.k.a. blissful) I still prescribe Amy. She always makes me laugh and I guaran-f'en-tee that she'll make you nearly pee your pants. It doesn't get any better or funnier than that folks.

I have a dream...?

People often say to believe in your dreams. But then when you share your dream you’re told, “Well that’s unrealistic.”

Excuse me for the lack of better words here… Umm, duh. It’s a dream.

Dreams are supposed to be unrealistic and seemingly unattainable. That’s the beauty of it. That’s the magic. And that’s what makes dreams work. That sense of impossibility is precisely what motivates the dreamer to do what people so foolishly declare cannot be done.

Dreams are your heart’s desires and if you feed those desires there is a satisfaction that cannot be adequately articulated other than to say that there is a sincere feeling of a roaring peace. It’s something of an oxymoron. I guess this feeling is present because the process of attaining a dream brings focus to your life and purpose.

Purpose, meaning to intend. Living life intentionally. Purpose.

The antonym of “purpose” is “indifference,” showing neither interest nor dislike. So to me that means that a life lived without a dream or dreams is a life lived indifferently and that essentially means that you’re not living, but merely existing.

And sadly, that’s me. I do not know what it is I dream of and what it is that my heart desires, what it is yearning for and since I cannot feed it, my heart aches. It’s starving and, currently, I’m wasting away.

When I graduated this past May a General in the United States Air Force delivered a brief, but poignant commencement address. One particular quote stood out to me. He said, “If you don’t dream, you can’t have a dream come true.” At the time I thought I knew me and I thought I knew my dreams. But now not only am I confused, I’m doubtful and I’m becoming one of those fools—one of those people who are dubious of what can be done.

Why? Why can I not will myself to believe and to see the future? Why?

Only I can answer that question and that seriously scares me.

What I Meant to Say Was

Your life flashing before your eyes.
A flash of light.
The flash of a Kodak Moment.
Flashing your cards.
A flash bomb.
Flashing a smile.
The innocent flash of cleavage.
A flash and it was gone.

Brilliant.

More Than Capable

A thirteen year old girl was raped on her way to school this week in St. Paul. Thirteen. A child. I just cannot comprehend this.

How can a person see a young girl and think that she is his for the taking? How does a person get to that point in his life? How does he become a rapist? No one grows up with the dream of, "One day I'm going to be a rapist." Little boys dream of becoming astronauts, doctors, football stars, zoologists... How do they go from that into becoming rapists?

I just... I'm at a complete loss. I mean all violence truly perplexes me. I just don't understand the criminal mind, I guess. I'm not sure I want to. The thing of it is, we may not begin life on a level playing field, but I believe that God has made us all more than capable. We're more than capable of rising above, succeeding, growing, overcoming, thriving, etc.

You know when a scientist makes an important discovery? Or...or...when an athlete wows us in an unfathomable way? And a musician, for example, composes the most beautiful music? Um, or when a person who appears to be at a disadvantage by "normal" standards ends up being completely remarkable by any standard? Do you know what I'm talking about? There's that something. And when these people are asked, "How did you do that? Where did that come from?" Many times the response is, "I don't know really. I just did it. It came to me..." That, that is the "more than capable" business I'm referring to. That is the true you coming to absolute life and it will likely take time and hard work for that birth or rebirth, but it's you. It's so you.

I truly feel that we can all accomplish great feats because God has constructed our beings to be, again, more than capable. He has set purposes for individual lives, but God has also given us free will. He has plans for us and it's up to us to carry them out. So it's in our hands what to do with our capabilities. Just as there are amazing do-gooders there are also horrifying monsters. And sometimes it's a thin line as to which side we will end up on. But it is up to us, it's our decision. We need to take responsibility for who we are. Yes, we're influenced by others, but for good or for bad we are who we are because of the actions we chose to take.

So I urge you--whoever you are and whatever "side" you are on--to choose to take action for good, to do good. The good is there in you. Release it.

"It's our choices [...] that show what we truly are,
far more than our abilities."
-J.K. Rowling-

"If you bring forth what is within you,
what you bring forth will save you."
-Gospel of Thomas-

"Each one, as a good manager of God's different gifts,
must use for the good of others the special gift
he has received from God."
-1 Peter 4:8-

Reinventing the Phone

Oh, iPhone, I've been patiently awaiting your arrival ever since the birth of your sibling, iPod! But I find it ironic that you are made to fit conveniently in my hand and yet, you still evade my grasp for alas, you are a bit pricey for my wallet at the moment. Someday. Yes, someday you will be mine...

It Was Then

Your eyes took me in
and your hand traced
the outline of my body
on its way to my hand
and your lips parted ways
in order to smile
before coming back together
to meet mine.

You, darling, fully embraced me
in that brief span of time.

And it was then,
at that very moment
that I realized
I would be alone.

Game On

Well, a few things have transpired since my last post... First of all a new year is upon us, so to that I say to you: HAPPY (belated) NEW YEAR! Next I would like to mention that I am another year older. I'm twenty-three now and I hope this number is as good to me as it was to Michael Jordan, or that I'm as good to twenty-three as Mike was to it. And in sports related news, kudos to the Boise State Broncos on their underdog upset over the Okalhoma Sooners. The Tostitos Fiesta Bowl was crazy good and marked by crazy plays. I don't know a whole lot about football, but I do know that that game was amazing. It was seriously the stuff movies are made of and truly inspiring.

Yes, the new year is full of opportunity and a new age is unfolding before me with possibility and hope. I'm praying that I take advantage of it all and that I overcome any and all obstacles that await me. I'm praying that I fight for my dreams and purpose like Boise State did.

Life isn't a game, but you certainly can attack it like it is.