Random Me

Well I haven't posted for a little while, but I can't think of anything poignant to share with the blog world so I am opting to disperse some random information about me. Please don't think I'm self-centered for doing so because I'm really not a narcissistic person, promise. I just truly cannot think of an important topic to discuss. Anyway, on with the randomness...

• My thought process is all over the place. Let me tell you, it's quite the process of how I start at point A and arrive at point B. It's a good thing my friends and family are patient and have a good sense of humor.
• I have diagnosed myself as "slightly O.C.D." For example... All of my frames, knickknacks, and other decorations have to be "just so" (I inherited this trait from my mother); any labels must face forward; and CDs have to be the right side up in their cases. I'm not a "neat freak" when it comes to everything, but there are certain things that I like a certain way.
  
• Because I have extremely curly hair my older brother used to tell people that I stuck my finger in a light socket. This was absolutely hilarious to him when we were kids. Charming, isn't he?
• I can't leave home without chapstick in my pocket. But just in case I do forget to stash it in my pocket I have chapstick stored in my desk, nightstand, makeup bag, purse, and vehicle.
  
• I am very fond of bags of all sorts and wish that I had a Mary Poppins Carpet Bag. You know, like the one where she pulls a lamp out. It would make packing sooo much easier.
  
• I pass out when I donate blood, but I don't mind it too much because that means I get all the free juice and cookies I want. Yesss!
• I always have to have a full glass of water next to my bed at night.
  
• My feet look exactly like my mom's. It's almost eerie.
• My childhood ambition was to become the first woman in the NBA and then in about fifth grade I came up with the WNBA. Of course, it wasn't until 1997 before anyone paid any attention to me.
• I'm not a one word answer kind of gal, in fact I tend to ramble. It runs in the family.
  
• When I was in the first grade I was stepped on by a sheep in the face during my ride in a Mutton Bustin' contest. I took home the glorious first place trophy, however, complete with a golden plastic sheep. The next day at school my best friend asked, "What happened to you? Did you get stepped on by a cow?" Close enough.
• In high school I slept with my basketball. I swear that it helped my shooting touch.
• I'm very much so indecisive. Never ever ask me the following question: "Where should we go out to eat at?"
  
• My claim to fame is that I was referred to as "the artist" in a Page Six article of the New York Post a couple of years ago.
  

Bring On a New Day

It’s late, but there’s life in these homes yet.
People are still awake
and I’m on the outside.
Yes I’m on the outside looking in,
wondering if they’re happy
and if so,
can I be happy like them?

See my life is not so bad,
but I can’t shake this feeling of sad
and I don’t know why,
so I just cry.

I don’t want to think,
don't want to think this way.

So bring on a new day.
Bring on tomorrow.
Bring on a new day
and let go of this sorrow.

Because in order to be held,
I have to let go of myself.
In order to be held,
I have to let go.

It’s just that this hurt
wears a different kind of shirt,
it’s yellow in my mind,
but it’s not mine.

I don’t want to think,
don't want to think this way.

So bring on a new day.
Bring on a true peace.
Bring on a new day
and bring on the release.

Because in order to be held,
I have to let go of myself.
In order to be held,
I have to let go.

It’s late, but there’s life in my head yet.
Thoughts are still awake
and I’m sitting inside.
Yes I’m sitting inside looking out,
wondering if they’re happy
and if so,
what is happy all about?

Bring on a new day,
bring on a new day
and let go.
Bring on a new day
and embrace my soul.

Questions to ponder...

• Why does Carson Daly have a late night talk show? He’s not funny.
• When teams play in championships, shirts and hats are made in advance for them and should they win they get to sport them on the field or on the court. But what about the losing team? "Champions" shirts and hats were made for them as well, so what happens to those shirts and hats?
  
• Who turns on city street lights? I’m sure there is a timer set to turn the lights on at night or something like that, but what about when it's foggy in the middle of the day? Someone has to turn on the lights then. I’d also like to know if there is a giant light switch.
• Why do celebrities, who have the means to purchase pretty much whatever they want, receive oodles of free stuff? I’m not hate’n, I just find it ironic.
• Why do characters on TV and in the movies wear backpacks on one shoulder? No one has done that for real since the 90s and besides, it’s not good for your back. If they want to hang a bag on one shoulder why not use a one strap backpack or a messenger bag?
• Who thought of Hypercolor shirts and why did they stop making them? I so wish that I still had my pink and purple Hypercolor shirt. There's nothing so glamorous as to feel like a chameleon.
  
• If you're from North Dakota, as I am, how can you think you're a gangsta? A former classmate of mine is attempting to make it as a rapper and I admit that she's not bad, she can flow. But she makes repeated claims of her gangsta status all the while denying her NoDak roots; she does this, I would imagine, so people will not question her being a gangsta. North Dakota has farmers, business people, some pretty good athletes, Josh Duhamel, and hella fabulous teachers, but we do not have gangstas.
• Who gave Carson Daly a contract for a late night talk show? Is Ashton punking us?

Bottomless Beverage of Goodness

Why is bad news pretty much the only news? Why do we need a “spotlight” on good news or good people? Shouldn't good news dominate the airwaves, and newspaper and magazine pages?

Okay, okay so I guess there's more than just bad news in the media. After all, celebrity sightings and gossip also rule the headlines. Oh, and sports and the weather too. And then, as I previously mentioned, there's the occasional "feel good" story. But honestly, our media seems to be drinking from a glass that is half empty because every day I only learn about all things negative. In fact, there is so much emphasis on hurt, crime, and violence that I'm thinking the media's glass must just contain a couple of sips worth of a beverage.

And on a side note, I truly hope that their beverage of choice is water and not some other clear liquid... Sometimes I wonder.

While it is no doubt important to bring these negative sorts of matters to our attention, I feel that it is equally important to bring positive energy to the lives of people. I know that we live in a violent society; really, I'm not naive enough to believe that we live in a fairy tale sort of land or utopia. And I understand that because we live in an imperfect world the media has a duty to report on our imperfections. By no means can we ignore injustices and pretend that everything is fine and dandy, but to use a classic phrase: “violence begets violence.” If all we see, read, and hear is bad news then isn't it likely that we will continue to produce bad news?

Maybe, just maybe if we paid more attention to the good in and around us it would inspire others to do good. Maybe if we had more of a “pay it forward” attitude rather than a “pay back” mentality we might find ourselves in a more positive state. Maybe...

I know this is sensitive and complicated and I do not presume to have the answers in regards to stopping the violence and hurt, but I prefer to believe that there is more good than bad in the world. So instead of just spotlighting the good, let's make the good shine. Let's fill our glasses to the brim and even order a bottomless beverage of goodness. And you know what? Let's order a round of bottomless goodness for the media as well! They certainly can use a refill.

Cheers!

“So let us not become tired of doing good;
for if we do not give up,
the time will come when we will reap the harvest.”
-Galations 6:9-

“My dear friend, do not imitate what is bad,
but imitate what is good.
Whoever does good belongs to God;
whoever does what is bad has not seen God.”
-3 John 11-

“Let us be concerned for one another,
to help one another to show and to do good.”
-Hebrews 10:24-

Crazy-Pee-In-Your-Pants-Funny

Please, please, puh-lease Google the funniest person alive: Amy Sedaris.

I'm telling you there's good wholesome funny (think Ellen DeGeneres) and spastic funny (a la Mario Cantone) and plain old inappropriate funny (who else but Kathy Griffin). And then... AND THEN there's crazy funny, a kind of funny that embodies all funnies and that, my friends, is Amy Sedaris. Amy is ADD, talented, witty, beautiful, bizarre, crafty, genius, and potentially on crack. All that adds up to one brilliantly hilarious pint sized funny lady. Not to mention that she is a best-selling author for her fabulous book I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence.

If you are unfamiliar with Amy Sedaris do as I said before, Google her, and then search for some fantastically funny video clips of her on YouTube. I assure you, you will not be disappointed. In fact, if you are sad or upset or depressed I am prescribing a healthy dosage of Amy Sedaris. Hell, if you're as happy as a Lutheran at a pot luck (a.k.a. blissful) I still prescribe Amy. She always makes me laugh and I guaran-f'en-tee that she'll make you nearly pee your pants. It doesn't get any better or funnier than that folks.

I have a dream...?

People often say to believe in your dreams. But then when you share your dream you’re told, “Well that’s unrealistic.”

Excuse me for the lack of better words here… Umm, duh. It’s a dream.

Dreams are supposed to be unrealistic and seemingly unattainable. That’s the beauty of it. That’s the magic. And that’s what makes dreams work. That sense of impossibility is precisely what motivates the dreamer to do what people so foolishly declare cannot be done.

Dreams are your heart’s desires and if you feed those desires there is a satisfaction that cannot be adequately articulated other than to say that there is a sincere feeling of a roaring peace. It’s something of an oxymoron. I guess this feeling is present because the process of attaining a dream brings focus to your life and purpose.

Purpose, meaning to intend. Living life intentionally. Purpose.

The antonym of “purpose” is “indifference,” showing neither interest nor dislike. So to me that means that a life lived without a dream or dreams is a life lived indifferently and that essentially means that you’re not living, but merely existing.

And sadly, that’s me. I do not know what it is I dream of and what it is that my heart desires, what it is yearning for and since I cannot feed it, my heart aches. It’s starving and, currently, I’m wasting away.

When I graduated this past May a General in the United States Air Force delivered a brief, but poignant commencement address. One particular quote stood out to me. He said, “If you don’t dream, you can’t have a dream come true.” At the time I thought I knew me and I thought I knew my dreams. But now not only am I confused, I’m doubtful and I’m becoming one of those fools—one of those people who are dubious of what can be done.

Why? Why can I not will myself to believe and to see the future? Why?

Only I can answer that question and that seriously scares me.

What I Meant to Say Was

Your life flashing before your eyes.
A flash of light.
The flash of a Kodak Moment.
Flashing your cards.
A flash bomb.
Flashing a smile.
The innocent flash of cleavage.
A flash and it was gone.

Brilliant.

More Than Capable

A thirteen year old girl was raped on her way to school this week in St. Paul. Thirteen. A child. I just cannot comprehend this.

How can a person see a young girl and think that she is his for the taking? How does a person get to that point in his life? How does he become a rapist? No one grows up with the dream of, "One day I'm going to be a rapist." Little boys dream of becoming astronauts, doctors, football stars, zoologists... How do they go from that into becoming rapists?

I just... I'm at a complete loss. I mean all violence truly perplexes me. I just don't understand the criminal mind, I guess. I'm not sure I want to. The thing of it is, we may not begin life on a level playing field, but I believe that God has made us all more than capable. We're more than capable of rising above, succeeding, growing, overcoming, thriving, etc.

You know when a scientist makes an important discovery? Or...or...when an athlete wows us in an unfathomable way? And a musician, for example, composes the most beautiful music? Um, or when a person who appears to be at a disadvantage by "normal" standards ends up being completely remarkable by any standard? Do you know what I'm talking about? There's that something. And when these people are asked, "How did you do that? Where did that come from?" Many times the response is, "I don't know really. I just did it. It came to me..." That, that is the "more than capable" business I'm referring to. That is the true you coming to absolute life and it will likely take time and hard work for that birth or rebirth, but it's you. It's so you.

I truly feel that we can all accomplish great feats because God has constructed our beings to be, again, more than capable. He has set purposes for individual lives, but God has also given us free will. He has plans for us and it's up to us to carry them out. So it's in our hands what to do with our capabilities. Just as there are amazing do-gooders there are also horrifying monsters. And sometimes it's a thin line as to which side we will end up on. But it is up to us, it's our decision. We need to take responsibility for who we are. Yes, we're influenced by others, but for good or for bad we are who we are because of the actions we chose to take.

So I urge you--whoever you are and whatever "side" you are on--to choose to take action for good, to do good. The good is there in you. Release it.

"It's our choices [...] that show what we truly are,
far more than our abilities."
-J.K. Rowling-

"If you bring forth what is within you,
what you bring forth will save you."
-Gospel of Thomas-

"Each one, as a good manager of God's different gifts,
must use for the good of others the special gift
he has received from God."
-1 Peter 4:8-

Reinventing the Phone

Oh, iPhone, I've been patiently awaiting your arrival ever since the birth of your sibling, iPod! But I find it ironic that you are made to fit conveniently in my hand and yet, you still evade my grasp for alas, you are a bit pricey for my wallet at the moment. Someday. Yes, someday you will be mine...

It Was Then

Your eyes took me in
and your hand traced
the outline of my body
on its way to my hand
and your lips parted ways
in order to smile
before coming back together
to meet mine.

You, darling, fully embraced me
in that brief span of time.

And it was then,
at that very moment
that I realized
I would be alone.

Game On

Well, a few things have transpired since my last post... First of all a new year is upon us, so to that I say to you: HAPPY (belated) NEW YEAR! Next I would like to mention that I am another year older. I'm twenty-three now and I hope this number is as good to me as it was to Michael Jordan, or that I'm as good to twenty-three as Mike was to it. And in sports related news, kudos to the Boise State Broncos on their underdog upset over the Okalhoma Sooners. The Tostitos Fiesta Bowl was crazy good and marked by crazy plays. I don't know a whole lot about football, but I do know that that game was amazing. It was seriously the stuff movies are made of and truly inspiring.

Yes, the new year is full of opportunity and a new age is unfolding before me with possibility and hope. I'm praying that I take advantage of it all and that I overcome any and all obstacles that await me. I'm praying that I fight for my dreams and purpose like Boise State did.

Life isn't a game, but you certainly can attack it like it is.