Momma Nanc' vs. Weeds

Well, I still need to fully transition into the new Tumblr blog, but I have some Momma Nanc' quotes to share in the meantime...

It was Father's Day yesterday (Happy Dad's Day!), but Momma Nanc' stole the show from my Pops as we sat on the deck at our cabin overlooking the lake Sunday morning while drinking Bloody Marys.  We had quite the interesting convo regarding weeds.  I was flanked by my parental unit, Momma Nanc' was seated to my left and my Pops to my right.  Momma Nanc' vehemently discussed her dislike of weeds, saying they were worse than mosquitoes.  I disagreed since a weed isn't going to suck my blood, but I just let Momma Nanc' go off on her little rant.  The best part was my Pops just responded to her in this quiet, calm, nonchalant way.

Momma Nanc':  "I pulled a weed out the other day and it was the size of a shrub!"
Pops:  "Yup."
Momma Nanc':  "And I laid it out on the table and said, 'Dry out you piece of crap!'"  (She may or may not have said 'crap'.)
Pops:  "She's the only one I know who has a conversation with weeds."
Momma Nanc':  "When I get to heaven that might be the first question I ask God!  'Why in the hell did you create weeds?!'"
Pops:  "To test your fortitude Nancy Erickson Langseth."

Oh, bless her...AND him!  I love my parents.  They consistently entertain me and constantly love me.  What more could I ask for?!

New Blog Location

Dear Avid Blog Followers of Mine (all two of you):

I am slowly transitioning into a new blog location...  www.articulate1.tumblr.com  I have posted a number of quotes already and some other randomness, but plan on officially switching to Tumblr soon.  I don't quite know what makes the move "official" per say, but you know...it sounded good.  I also need to update my website like mad because I know you two have been eager for that.

Who are you two blog/web followers anyway?  Oh, maybe there are more than two of you.  And perhaps there aren't even two of you...

Well, to whom it may concern...  Again, the Articulate1 blog is moving to Tumblr.  So mosey on over there if you'd like and check 'er out.  I thank you kindly.

Cheers!

Have your cake and eat it too...

Recently I took on the delicious task of baking a Guinness Chocolate Cake from scratch.  In fact, it was my first baking-a-cake-from-scratch endeavor...ever.  I do enjoy baking, but don't do it particularly often because: 1) I live by myself B) Baked goods are my weakness C) Because they are my weakness, I'm not good at sharing baked goods 4) This means I eat too much if not all of the baked goods E) This then leads to guilt and potentially an extra pound or two added straight to my belly.  This Guinness Chocolate Cake business is a perfect example of that, but in all honesty, I enjoyed the cake sooo freaking much that I didn't particularly care about possible weight gain due to eating a piece of cake a day for pretty much a week.

I found this uh-may-zing cake thanks to a delightful little website called Pinterest, where you can catalog a variety of things on an online pinboard.  It's fantastic!  One of the "curators" for a food pinboard I follow "pinned" a photo of an exquisite Guinness Chocolate Cake, which linked me to Katie Quinn Davies' recipe for it featured on Design*Sponge.  

I immediately knew that I had to try to make this cake for a Sunday Night Supper my mom was hosting; these suppers entail my parents and their dear friends getting together at one another's homes to eat darn good food and drink, what I'll call, a fair amount of wine.  I regularly attend them as well enjoying the laughs and stories and their lovely friendship;  they're like family and my parents are blessed to have such tremendous people in their lives--as am I.  Additionally, I make notes for a potential book/movie that the other children and I will one day write...  But that's a whole different story!

Anywho, you can't just bring some untested dish to Sunday Night Supper.  Nope, this is some serious stuff.  So my mom had me bake a trial run cake.  This was helpful for me because I had to make some adjustments, but it also meant that I ate an extreme amount of cake...  

My first cake did taste awesome, but looked hysterical because I frosted it entirely too soon.  I blame it on the fact that myself and a couple of my eager taste-testers wanted to dig in pronto...

My second attempt, served at the prestigious Sunday Night Supper, went much better.  Thank goodness, or I may have never been invited again!  Phew. 

This cake is a definite must try.  Again, I had to make some adjustments to Katie Quinn Davies' original recipe.  The biggest change is due to the fact that I could not find the called for Dutch process cocoa anywhere where I live, so thanks to the powers of Google I was able to find a substitute using unsweetened natural cocoa and baking powder.  

Baking is a science, afterall, and since the recipe uses baking soda you have to add the baking powder to the unsweetened natural cocoa because, unlike Dutch process cocoa, it has not been treated with an alkali to neutralize its natural acidity.  Yeah...it's over my head too.  Anywho, this substitute called for math skillz that I'm not so sure I possess, but I think I must have worked it all out okay because the cake turned out fantastic!  (Seriously, multiplying fractions and stuff...  Cripes, I sweat merely thinking about it.)

Perhaps because of the change in cocoa, I found that I needed more liquid to melt down the cocoa...  "More liquid" means "more beer".  Hooray!  For those of you who may fear that the beer will overpower the cake you can add some water instead.  (I did this my first time around because I had already drank the rest of my Guinness...  Oops.)  However, I thought the additional Guinness was just fine, thank you very much; it makes the cake super moist.    Aside from that, I added vanilla to the cream when whipping it (whip it real good) because I la-la-love vanilla and to the frosting itself I added caramel Bailey's Irish Cream.  My thoughts are, the more booze the better...when it comes to baking.  (Please remember to drink responsibly, folks.)

So see my revised recipe below (click on it to enlarge) and enjoy the goodness of this cake.  I recommend a milk chaser!  Cheers!

The Name Game

I love America.  Truly.  How could I not?  It's my homeland.  It's the land of the free and the home of the brave.  It's full of loving, brilliant, humble, hardworking, capable people.  That said, it has its flaws and Americans are far from perfect.  Just as there are good people roaming from the Lakes of Minnesota to the Hills of Tennessee, there are also bad people doing bad things.  Simply put.

And then there are people who are completely mind blowing...  Perhaps they aren't bad and they aren't doing bad.  No, maybe they're just naive or for whatever reason have a skewed view on life or are spoiled.  Yeah, spoiled.  It seems to me that reality television is a flaw America loves and that particular flaw showcases some pretty ridiculously spoiled folks. 

I'm not gonna lie, I do watch some reality TV shows from time to time.  Usually with my mouth gaping and my brow furrowed in disbelief.  It is a darn good thing that I only have about twenty channels of cable, otherwise I would likely be sucked into this faux real world depicted on TV.  I loved The Osbournes, Made, Little People Big World, and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I love Project Runway, My Life on the D-List, and The Deadliest Catch.  (Are some of these shows still running?  I don't even know, aside from Deadliest Catch.)  But c'mon...  The Real Housewives franchise?  Sister Wives?  Jersey Shore?!  And the equally perplexing Teen Mom?!

One such reality show that I am at this very moment sucked into, despite my better judgment, is Bravo's Pregnant in Heels.  I've never seen this show before and don't plan on watching it again, but I am sitting here dumbfounded by a pregnant couple, who are already parents of two girls, as they try to decide on a name for their unborn son.  They have hired a maternity concierge (say what?!) to help them in the naming process, which includes having a focus group and think tank to discuss potential baby names. 

Are you freakin' kidding me?  You need to bring together a language specialist, poet, business exec, and a bunch of other random people/supposed specialists you don't even know to help you name your own child?  Seriously?!  And how much money did you pay them? 

Yup, there's some'n wrong...some'n wrong 'dat, America.

For the love of Pete, here's how you name a baby:

1. Talk to your husband or wife.
2. Choose a name.
3. The end.

Okay, okay, I realize it may be more complicated than that.  But honestly, when it comes down to it don't you just have to talk with one another?  I mean, you can refer to a book of baby names if necessary or chat with family and friends, but ultimately the decision should be yours because, after all, the baby is yours.  And unless you're trying to name your child, oh I don't know, Hitler or Bertha or Branch people should just keep their opinions to their selves.  Wait, I'll add to that Hamilton Charles because had I been a boy that would have been my name, after a great uncle.  Here's the deal, I am one hundred percent positive that I would have been nicknamed Ham Chuck the Fat Kid.  Seriously.  That, dear friends, would have been an appropriate name for my parents' family and friends to help them reconsider.  Just sayin'...

Hiring a group of strangers to tell you the pros and cons of the name Tucker seems silly.  Especially when in the end this particular couple chose a name no one seemed to like but them.  Bowen Asher.  I mean, it's not a name I'd choose, but again, he's not my son so they should care less about my opinion.

Should this couple have another child down the road I will offer my services to them.  Yes indeed, they can pay me a large sum of money and I will help them name their baby using a method my grandma's family utilized to name her.  My grandma, an afterthought, was named Carol Shirley after each member of the family put their favorite names in a hat and then drew out her first name followed by her middle name.  She always said her name didn't have a ring to it, but the "hat" had spoken and that was that.

Family stories like that, well, I think they are what is right with America.

Quoted

I saw this amazing quote today and had to share it...

"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on."  

-Henry Havelock Ellis-

The former quote is quite amazing in its own right and is the reason why I started reading The Secret Life of Bees, which thus far is a such a beautiful read.  It's poetic and raw and moving.  I loved the movie and the book is proving to be even better--as is typically the case.  Anyway, here is a quote pulled from The Secret Life of Bees:

 
"It's something everybody wants--for someone to see the hurt done to them and set it down like it matters." 

-Sue Monk Kidd-

I wish I could apparate really, really, REALLY BAD!

If I could have one magic ability I would totally want to be able to apparate. My fellow Harry Potter fans know what I'm talking about. For you out of the loop muggles... Well, I lost you again didn't I?

Okay, for those of you who are (for some odd reason) unaware of apparition in the Harry Potter sense of the word, perhaps you've heard of teleportation? Essentially it's the ability to be in one place one second and then magically appear in another place an instant later. Pretty cool, right? I mean, even if you don't, again, for some odd reason, like the magical world of Harry Potter you have got to the love the concept of apparition! (And if you don't... We're done here. Seriously. We're done.)

Think about it! Think about the possibilities! If I could apparate I would have no problem whatsoever living in the NoDak if I could pop to NYC or the Twin Cities or London or Italy or wherever whenever the heck I wanted. Or say, I don't know, we have an unlikely HUGE snowstorm at the end of March.  No worries!  I'll just make my way to Hawaii in a jiffy, thank you very much, without the hassle of booking a flight and airport security and having to sit in teeny tiny, uncomfortable seats for hours.  Holla!

The practicality of that magical ability would be grand as well...  Overslept and are late for work?  Boom, you're there!  At work and need a breather because of some jerk?  Boom, you're in the middle of an enchanting forest, gazing at the beauty of the sun's rays as they filter in through the branches, with sounds of a nearby creek gurgling and birds chirping, and--wouldn't you know--a butterfly is fluttering on your shoulder.  Sooo peaceful.  Sigh.

Have a shopping cart overloaded with a ginormous amount of groceries?  No need to push that cart out to your vehicle, transfer the groceries into your vehicle, and then find a cart corral.  (You find a cart corral, right?  Right?!)  No need to load up your arms with twenty bags of groceries, slip on a patch of ice and almost fall on your bum, which would then mean there is no need to curse.  (Who makes two trips of hauling groceries?)  Nope, if you could apparate all you would have to do is have the bags in hand and in a mere instant you're standing in your kitchen with a twinkle in your eye, a shiny bright smile on your face, and no nagging twinging pain in your lower back from slipping on a patch of ice and almost falling on your bum.

And just think of the money you'd save not needing a vehicle!  Oh, and apparating is totally environmentally friendly!  BONUS!

But here is why I wish I could apparate really, really, really bad...  I would never. ever. have to use. a public restroom. ever. again.  Ever.  Hot damn, as my Grandmama would say.  I could just snap on home and use my own bathroom!  I truly think this would reduce my stress level in a magnificent way.  Especially considering the public restroom I am cruelly forced to use at work.

Now I know everybody poops.  A kids' book was even written about that very fact.  So yeah, I know everybody poops.  No judging here.  It's fact of life and good for your health.  But, without getting into too much detail, I seriously question the crap some people must eat...  (Yup, pun intended.  I can just hear my mom saying, "Ann Ma-rie!"  Sorry Momma Nanc'.)  Besides the bodily function aspect of hating public restrooms, I also am blown away by people's actions or inactions. 

At my workplace there are actually two public restrooms for women.  I recently used the one located in the upper level of our building for the first time, as opposed to the one I normally use just down the corridor from our office space on the main floor.  I got a good chuckle in that upper level women's restroom when I read a sign that said something along the lines of 'please flush the toilet when you are done using it'.  Really?  I mean, really?  People don't flush when they're done?  Wow.  I guess they don't though, or at least upstairs they weren't because that sign had to be posted for some silly and slightly horrific reason.  Can I say wow one more time?  Yeah...wow.

In the restroom I typically frequent I would like to post a few signs.  The first would be, "NO MEN" because apparently the little plastic sign on the door that reads "WOMEN" means nothing to the dudes who work in our building.  I guess we have to reiterate that.  Another sign being, "Please courtesy flush when needed".  Umm...  I don't think I'll say much more about that.  The third sign would say, "Please do not be a lazy diva (I say diva because men shouldn't be using this women's restroom) who cannot take two seconds out of her busy day to put a new roll of toilet paper on the toilet paper holder.  Thank you."

You see, nothing irritates me quite like an empty toilet paper roll hanging from a holder.  That is, however, aside from an empty toilet paper roll with a full roll of toilet paper placed by it, but not on it.  In this particular public restroom there is a little shelf hanging on the wall stocked with roll upon roll of toilet paper.  It's within arm's reach and just a few feet, if that, away from the toilet paper holder itself.  So it is beyond me when someone will use the last scraps of TP and then instead of quickly replacing the empty roll will just grab a new roll and put it on the back of the toilet tank, or lean it against the wall on the toilet paper holder.

Seriously?  You did nothing for me.  Are you incapable of fulfilling that simple task?  Seriously?  If so, you've got some follow-through issues that you may want to seek psychiatric help for.  I mean it.

Point in case...  This morning I entered the public restroom and immediately blurted, "Are you freakin' kidding me?!"  This then prompted me to book it back to my office in order to grab my cell phone, which disturbed my co-workers I should add, and hustle back to the restroom.  Why?  Why did I say such a thing?  And why did I take my cell phone with me to the restroom?  I'll tell you why (and you knew I would)...  Because, dear friends, when I entered the restroom there dangling from the TP holder was an empty roll.  Conveniently located on the floor, I repeat, on. the. floor was a new, full roll of toilet paper.  Now I don't care that the TP had a thin wrapping shielding it from the dirt and germs of the floor.  Wrapping or no wrapping, do not ev-ver put TP on a public restroom floor!

And just so you believe me...

Remember that one older gentleman from American Idol a couple of years ago that sang his original song "Pants on the Ground"?  Well, I'm gonna make it big singing this...  "TP on the floo'!  TP on the floo'!  Actin' like fool puttin' TP on the floo'!"

See?  Do you see why for this reason alone being able to magically apparate would be beneficial?!  The military already has an invisibility cloak of sorts.  (True story.)  If they could get working on apparition/teleportation I'd be most appreciative aaannnnddddd far more sane.

Here ends my rant.

Ephphatha

"Then looking up to heaven, he sighed and said to him, 'Ephphatha,' that is, 'Be opened.'" -Mark 7:34-

This Mess

Countless questions,
thoughts,
sighs,
prayers,
hopes,
doubts,
dreams,
fears,
beliefs,
memories,
visions,
emotions
explosively collide in my head.
Whew, some storm.
Perhaps explaining the headache I suffer from?
(Another question.)
This mess intermingles, intertwines, and tangles itself together so passionately
then rips itself apart like a violent breakup of lovers,
leaving me dazed and seeing colorful star bursts.
Oh, I feel this destruction swelling within…
My veins, pressured by a river of adrenaline, fatten.
My heart, no longer willing to keep a steady rhythm, beats intensely.
Erratically even.
I struggle to catch my breath because apparently I’m chasing it
though I’m standing still—and this pose takes a colossal effort.
And then the tears come.
They may fall from my eyes, but they come from everywhere.
Everywhere.
They’re angry tears fueled by confusion.
They’re tears of sadness that should have been shed long ago.
The tears come suddenly, but I remember to stop them.
Bottle them up then empty them into the deep ocean within me,
which I think once upon a time was a mere pond.
There’s a voice that says to let the tears flow,
but the potential damage of the flood is...is...too much.
It’s too damn much.
And so I, in an undignified manner, wipe my eyes and clear my throat.
(I never did cry pretty.)
And so I stand a little straighter.
And so I breathe a little deeper.
And so I shake my head and everything in it.
And so I move on, having settled nothing.
But moving feels good.
So, so, so good.
And at least if I’m moving
this mess has to work to keep up.
If I’m moving I’m alive,
it means I’m alive.
Amen,
I’m alive.

Quoted

New quote!  New quote!  I'm thinking I need to read The Secret Life of Bees pronto because it is chalk full of goodness based on the various quotes I've read that come from it.  So here is one that hits you in the gut with truth and a vast deepness...

"It's something everybody wants--for someone to see the hurt done to them and set it down like it matters." -Sue Monk Kidd-

I loved the former "Quoted" quote so much that I doodled it and placed it front and center on my desk...

Rejoice!

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." -Philippians 4:4-8-

Oh Momma Nanc'

Dear World:

Pay attention because I'm going to officially introduce you to my delightful, hysterical, random, intelligent, silly, witty, and completely lovely Nutter Butter of a Mutter...  My mom.  My mum.  Mi madre.  My mother.  My mommy.  (Drum roll please...)  Momma Nanc'.  (DA NA NA!)

I've been joyfully writing about her on my Facebook page for quite some time now because, quite simply, she provides me with so much great material.  It's hard to keep up with her, really.  Her advice is funny and poignant.  Her comments candid.  Her stories are long and rambling and animated, just like mine.  Her shenanigans truly unique.  She is a one-of-a-kind, ladies and gentleman, and all together a keeper.  But my Facebook status updates no longer do her justice because she is deserving of a wider audience, as opposed to merely my FB BFF's.  And truly, a wider audience is deserving of her!  I can't keep her all to myself anymore.  So I appeal to you, World, and am dedicating a blog label solely to dear, sweet Momma Nanc'.  That's right, she gets her very own blog label and I'm sure she is positively thrilled at the prospect of it.

So, without further ado, let's share a story about the now infamous Momma Nanc'...

I have the great pleasure of working with my parents.  Clarification:  I work for my pops and with my momma, who comes in the afternoons three days a week; I believe her primary job duty is to keep the office entertained and she certainly fulfills that criteria...to say the least.

On this insanely snowy day, I made a coffee run and returned to the office to deliver caffeinated goodness to my boss who was chatting with my mom.  My mom said hi to me like nothing was out of the ordinary and I just stared at her with a big grin on my face suppressing a giggle because of a rather large wet spot on her pretty purple argyle sweater.  She had spilled coffee, dagnabbit.  And to be fair, her spilling isn't out of the ordinary so that would perhaps explain why she was staring at me like nothing was out of the ordinary.  Follow?  Anywho, she missed a spot of coffee that I pointed out and then went to the sink to wet down her sweater some more and all of a sudden I hear...

"Oh!  Oh!  What's going on?!"

Somehow she had water cascading down her front all the way to her teeny tiny feet.  This is perplexing because the sink is deep and it's just a standard faucet...  I don't know how she manages to do half the things she does, God bless her. 

My boss helped her out, proclaiming, "Momma Nanc', we can't take you anywhere!"  But we are planning on taking her to a local Variety Show tonight and so she'll have to change prior to the performance, which saddened me (I'm being a bit, just a bit dramatic) because I am wearing a purple turtle neck and I jokingly exclaimed, "Aww!  Now we won't match!"  To which she enthusiastically replied with, "Oh, I'm wearing purple!  I'll wear my purple turtle neck!"

Yesss!  Now we'll really match.

Well, there you have it folks...  Momma Nanc' is da bomb (like tick, tick).  Clearly.  Be on the lookout for more Momma Nanc' stories.  I plan on posting some classics previously shared on my Facebook page and I think I can even find an old blog post where my mom called me and subsequently made my tata's jingle (my own fault) while I was in the middle of an appointment...  Yeeeaaaahhhh...  That happened.

Cheers!

Crazy Dog Lady Has a Christmas Photo Shoot

Even though I'm just a single crazy dog lady, I still enjoy sending out a Christmas card and I take it very seriously...  By seriously I mean I seriously hope to capture a cliche picture of myself with my two dogs and send it out with a big ol' smile.  Last year, for example, we all wore Santa attire and it was glorious.  Next year I'm thinking we'll need to sport matching ugly sweaters, but we've got time to prepare for that...  However, this year we dressed our best and had a photo shoot with two of my dear friends (the pictures seen here were taken by the lovely Julie Mohl).  Whiskey Jack wore a necktie, Gertie Sue her pretty pink tutu, and I (being the less stylish of the three) sported a sweater dress. 

 

 All puffed up.  The dogs, that is.

 Fluffing Gertie's ginormous tutu.

 

She is such a ham for the camera!  I love it.

  

Whiskey could totally care less.  He'd much rather be running all over the place!

 

Gert' is a solid 40 pounds, so I really had to lean to balance out her girlish figure...

  

We even took some photos of me sans the dogs, 

which was a bit unnerving because I'd rather take pics than be in them.  

However, they did get one "model" pose out of me before I felt super silly and awkward.

 Merry Christmas 2010

My All-Time Favorite Christmas Card

Christmas came and went in a blur, as it usually does for adults.  I had fun creating my parents 2010 Christmas Card, which features an incredibly attractive (hopefully you smell sarcasm there) picture of my brother, myself, and my sister-in-law on the Stratosphere's Big Shot ride.  This picture makes me laugh and laugh hard every...single...time.  Seriously, if you're ever depressed or upset or in need of a good belly chuckle pop on over here and take in this beauty... 
My brother, Nick, looks constipated and his lovely wife, Casey, looks like she has been drinking non-stop for three straight days.  Sandwiched between this beautiful couple is me with a gaping hole for a mouth.  I think a softball would fit in there with no problem!

I thought the Christmas card would be perfect with just this image and much funnier, but my momma disagreed and wanted "nice" pics of us all as well.  So I appeased her with the inside of the card...

 

So here's hoping that this card just made your day a little merrier and that you did indeed have a very Merry Christmas, as well as an incredibly Happy New Year!

Cheers!

I suggest...

I SUGGEST playing like a kid. Oh, but no video games! Go swinging. Slide down all kinds of slides. Play tag. Jump rope. Ride a bike, or better yet...a scooter! Go sledding. Turn empty boxes into glorious forts. Run around barefoot. The possibilities are endless and we, I'm talking about us big kids, do not have to be so darn serious... I recently read that toddlers laugh approximately 400 awesome times a day, but the average adult only manages a chuckle 15 times a day. That is so totally unacceptable. The world is wondrous and magical and hysterical. So what are you waiting for?! Get out there, have some fun, and laugh until you cry!  

The previous "I Suggest" is noted below and I still wholeheartedly suggest you do it!

I SUGGEST redefining freedom, which has been defined as "the power to act or speak or think without externally imposed restraints". What about internally imposed restraints? Liberate yourself from yourself. Let go of all that holds you back, release your fears. Leap.

Quoted

New year.  New quote.  (Just a bit late.)

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" -Mary Oliver-

And the previous quote...

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep." -Scott Adams-

Say what?!

Are you freaking kidding me?!  I haven't posted a blessed thing since July!  JULY?!  Holy Hector...  Where has the time gone?  Yeah, I better get on it...  Truth is, I really need to invest in an internet connection at home.  That might help.

Until then... I hope you are swell, that you enjoyed a magical holiday season, and that you have had a tremendous start to 2011!  And I'll leave you with a quote from my Good Earth tea bag "handle"...

"Our patience will achieve more than our force." -Edmund Burke-

Peace to you.  (Whoever you are...)