New Blog Location

Dear Avid Blog Followers of Mine (all two of you):

I am slowly transitioning into a new blog location...  www.articulate1.tumblr.com  I have posted a number of quotes already and some other randomness, but plan on officially switching to Tumblr soon.  I don't quite know what makes the move "official" per say, but you know...it sounded good.  I also need to update my website like mad because I know you two have been eager for that.

Who are you two blog/web followers anyway?  Oh, maybe there are more than two of you.  And perhaps there aren't even two of you...

Well, to whom it may concern...  Again, the Articulate1 blog is moving to Tumblr.  So mosey on over there if you'd like and check 'er out.  I thank you kindly.

Cheers!

Would-be renters please take heed...

I'm a leasing agent and I know that many people would put me right up there with car salesmen, but it's my job. It's not a job I ever wanted, or a job I ever dreamed of. But it's my job. It pays the bills, keeps food on my table, clothes on my back, and a roof over my head. Today, that's something to be very grateful for and I am.

As a leasing agent I'd like to disperse a bit of knowledge and share some tips with would-be renters. I admit that this advice isn't only beneficial to prospective tenants. A smooth rental process is also beneficial for my sanity as a human being. So please, if you're looking to rent, take heed...

1. If you don't have money to rent an apartment or house then don't go hunting for a home. I can't barter with you and I can't donate one to you. Let's save both of ourselves some quality time.
2. If you're a creeper, can you just buy your own home please? I really don't want to be alone in an empty apartment or house with you--particularly in an unfinished basement of an old house. So either uncreep yourself, or just stay the heck away from me.
3. Sex offender? Hell to tha no. You will not rent from me. Sorry. Wait... No I'm not.
   
4. I do not need your life story. Let's keep it professional. Let's keep our convos short and and to the point.
   
5. When reviewing an availability list, do just that... Review it. Read over everything and come prepared.
   
6. If an apartment is noted as occupied, that means it's not vacant. If you don't know what either of those words--occupied and vacant--mean, look them up. Please. I beg you.
   
7. Do not come to an appointment thirty minutes early. You'll be waiting a long time and I'll be fuming for a long time. Trust me on this, five minutes is plenty early. Plenty. Early.
   
8. Do not come to an appointment thirty minutes late. You'll be lucky if you get to look at anything. You're better off to call and reschedule if you're going to be more than ten minutes late.
   
9. Make one appointment. So you want to look at a few apartments or houses? Great. I'm happy to show you. But I sure as heck do not want to show you the same exact properties multiple times. Make sure you and your roommate(s) can come together at the same time if you all want to see them. If you need measurements, remember to bring that tape measurer with you the first time so I don't have to escort you back there. Whatever it is that could possibly make you want/need to look at the same place twice, I would greatly appreciate it if you could get all of that organized for the first and hopefully last appointment.
   
10. Unless you're a first time renter, do not bring your mom and dad with you. Okay, that may be a bit harsh... How about... If you're over forty, don't bring your parents with you. You're an adult. You can make a decision.
    
11. If you have four kids or more, it'd be best if you didn't bring them with you on a tour. I love kids, I really do. But let's face it, some kids are not well behaved and if a home is occupied they can get into things. And that's not good. Not good at all.
    
12. Treat an appointment to tour homes like you would a job interview. Now I'm not saying you need to come in a suit, but it's always nice when I don't see your underwear and, you know, you're clean.
    
13. Speaking of clean... Keep it clean by watching your language. I swear, I do, but I don't do it around you so please don't drop the F-bomb in front of me. And definitely don't say, "I'll have to watch that step when I'm drunk! Ha ha." Seriously.
    
14. Use the bathroom before you go on a property tour. I once had a creeper use the bathroom of a vacant apartment and he left the door wide open, this was after he asked me out. So again, I plead with creepers to stay away.
15. If we're in an apartment or house, please don't plan where every piece of furniture would go for thirty minutes..especially when it's still occupied. I don't want to be in anyone's home longer than I need to be. It's plain awkward. And I don't mean to be rude, but I could really care less where your recliner would go.
    
16. Please, please, please don't hem and haw whether or not you and your significant other, or roommate want to rent the apartment or home in front of me for thirty minutes while still in the home...especially when it's still occupied. Again, it's awkward. It's also infuriating. I have no say with your personal business. I also don't have the time (or patience) to listen when you're not even talking to me. I've got paperwork I could finish, people! Talk amongst yourselves and then let me know if you have any questions. I'd be happy to answer them at that time.
    
17. Don't lie. If you have bad credit, have been previously evicted, owe people money... Fess up to it. It's going to show up in your credit report anyway. So now not only are you a risk, you're also a liar. That's not a good one-two combo.
    
18. Fill out your application fully and clearly. If I have to hunt for needed information and try to decipher your chicken scratch, not only are you going to frustrate me--you're going to delay your pending approval.
19. When filling out an application, don't ever note that your reason for leaving your current residence is because your "ex was a whore". He or she may have been, but there's no point in sharing that information with me. Seriously. No point.
    
20. Do not put a deposit down unless you are 100% certain that you want to and can rent the apartment or house. Plain and simple.

There you have it. My twenty golden rules for a smooth rental process.

To: Blog Community - From: Me - Re: Junk Faxes

There's nothing that gets my goat quite like junk faxes. Not only are they a waste of time, they're also a waste of paper as they'll no doubt end up in the trash...or hopefully the recycling bin.

This particular fax, however, cracked me right up for two reasons. First, how dumb does the sender think people are?! And two, there truly are dumb people out there who would fall for this silly fax pertaining to a male enhancer. Okay, so that's a third reason why it cracked me up... Male enhancer. (I'm mature.)

I guess I should learn to count because there are a couple more laughable details of this fax... I really love that the receiver of this is supposed to believe that it was accidentally sent to her or him. If a gentleman was to genuinely send such a fax, I'm thinking he would make damn sure to dial the right number.

But I think my favorite part about this junk fax is when "Len" writes to "Bret Z" saying, "Sorry, my cell battery went on me." Really Len? You're cellular died and so instead of picking up a land-line phone you wrote out this detailed fax for your pal Bret? I mean, if you could fax this message you certainly must have a good ol' fashioned phone you could use. Or what about email? I know when I send messages about male enhancers to my friends named Bret, I prefer to email them so as to avoid any potential hand cramps. But hey, that's just me...

Seriously.

Grown Ups and Crazy Dreams

It's been far too long since I've spilled... My friend, Kendra, brought it to my attention that I needed a new post and she was right! So here I am again and hopefully I'll be here more regularly. I love to write, to ponder, to open so I don't know why I haven't done this more. Hmm...

Perhaps it's this thing called work. Have you heard of it? It's this thing that grown ups do...a lot. It generally occurs every weekday from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. and when one has finished with work one tends to go home and reboot, only to do the same thing the following day. See, a grown up needs to work because grown ups have bills to pay and by working a grown up can earn the money necessary to pay said bills. However, there is a cost for working and that cost is the loss of life... One most work to live, but when one works one has no time to live. Or so it seems for this grown up.

Holy shit. I'm a grown up. When did that happen?!

In other news... I had some crazy dreams last night, as I usually do. One dream was more like a story that I was following, a movie I was watching. Or maybe I was in it too... Can't quite recall. But what I do remember is that there was some young people making their way through a snowy and cold wilderness. They were dressed in every day clothes and were not equipped for their environment, save for one individual who had a knife and this little bag slung across his or her body...or was it my body... Cripes, I wish I could remember clearly. Anywho, this bag was remarkable because whatever these youngins' needed in their adventures they could pull out of the little shoulder strap bag. They didn't have to ask for the tool, the bag just provided what was needed. I thought this was cool because the tools given weren't necessarily what they thought they would need. Sometimes they thought they needed more than what the bag spit out. Sometimes they thought they needed different tools. But the bag knew better. I wish I had a bag like that...

Well then, I'll leave it at that. Just a random post from yours truly to start off 2009 (twenty-three days late). I'll be back in touch because there is more to share... Until then, have a lovely day...every day.

Little Gestures

Last Thursday a couple of "little gestures" impacted me for different reasons...

1. While driving home from work I saw an older gentleman bundled up--coat, stocking hat, scarf, gloves, and all--making his way through the cold with a big ol' smile on his face. I haven't the faintest idea why he was smiling, but it was contagious.
2. During the Maundy Thursday service at my church a mom who was sitting two pew rows ahead of me shrugged her elementary aged son's head off of her shoulder after he had rested it there for a mere two seconds. I swear, he plopped his head into her shoulder gently and before he could even get comfortable she moved away from him. It made my heart a bit sad.

Little gestures--moments, sightings, contacts, greetings--can be sooo very big.

The Bad Lighting Epidemic in America Continues

This hideous and ginormous light fixture was joined by several others in a conference room at the Holiday Inn in Fargo, ND. Not only does it look like an excessively legged, gold spider hanging upside down from the ceiling, it also sheds a poor amount of light. Thom Filicia, Queer Eye interior design guru, would be horrified and disappointed.

Random Connections

While driving to an appointment one afternoon a couple of weeks ago I saw a familiar elderly lady walking her chubby ol' wiener dog down the avenue. I've seen the "couple" make their way along the same street a handful of times before and they always catch my attention for a number of reasons...

First of all, I grew up with dachshunds and therefore I take note of every wiener dog I see. Secondly, the dog is just sooo fat. He's round and hysterically cute. Seeing him instantly makes me laugh regardless of the mood of the day. And finally they look so happy trotting along together in the sunshine. (Well, the dog waddles. Truly he does. His belly nearly grazes the ground.) There's a visible love between the two that's rather compelling. You just know that they have been together for many, many years.

Normally when I drive by I'm just an outsider looking in on their walk, but that day... That day I drove by and seeing the two made me genuinely smile yet again. And that day the little, old woman happened to look up and caught me staring and smiling at them. She stood up just a bit straighter, smiled brightly, and warmly waved to me--welcoming me in to that moment of their walk, of their lives. That simple gesture, the smile and wave, made me smile wider and more deeply. There was a brief, sincere, and friendly connection between us that I took with me. A gift from one stranger to another.

I keep that gift in my heart. To some, it would mean nothing. But to me...

We all need more random connections--no matter how short or small. The world would be in a better state of being and we would all be happier. So smile and wave, people, you could very easily make a stranger's day.

Focus

I am trying to focus on love and peace and hope and progress. This day to day life I lead can be so uneventful, so frustrating, so nothing, so repetitive. It's easy to succumb to the 8:00 to 5:00 work schedule--to work, eat, sleep, rinse and repeat. It's easy to become consumed by anger regarding the stupidest things and to fall into a person I don't necessarily want to be. I mean, it's not that I become this horrible person. That's not the case. But there are moments where anger swells within me. Times where I don't care. Days where I'm not productive in pursuing a greater life.

I need to shift to the good. Need to keep my head up, my heart open. I don't want all of this "noise" to get the best of me, to fill my head and take me over. It's important to shed all that weighs me down. To shake off the negative. To wash off daily the dirt of yesterday.

Each day is clean. A new beginning, an opportunity for rebirth, a chance to make some small difference in my life and in the lives of those around me. So I ask God to help me focus, to help me be present in place and time, and to work steadily with peace in my heart.

Love and peace. Peace and love.

Chocolate Bar Sweetness

Today a man--an unknown man who was in his twenties--propositioned me with a candy bar...

Okay, okay so he didn't "proposition me," but he randomly offered to buy me a Godiva dark chocolate bar at the bookstore where I work. He was rather persistent about it and it made me blush and giggle. I asked this young stranger, "Why do you want to buy me a chocolate bar?" And he simply said, "Because it's a nice thing to do. Isn't it?"

Of course I said yes it was and though I felt slightly silly, I accepted his offer. After all, he said he'd only have one if I did and who am I to deny someone chocolate?! I was sort of flustered by his generosity, so much so that I don't know if I properly thanked him. (I didn't even get his name!) I wish I would have told him he made my day. I so appreciate his kindness.

And isn't that something we need to do more often? Kindness. Random acts of kindness. We're all sooo consumed by our own "to do's," worries, and worlds that we forget we're all connected in this one world. We forget to look up and out of ourselves. We're family and it's nice to be nice. To give a little. Give a lot. We receive so much more in return.

Anywho... I don't know if this "candy man" was flirting, or just being sweet. Regardless, it was lovely and the first time a gentleman bought me anything other than a drink...or a taco. But the taco is a completely different story.

I like it like that...

• I like that when I Google my name the first blurb in the search results is associated with The Joyful Heart Foundation.
  
• I like that toothpaste can double as silver polish.
• I like my handwriting.
• I like that when I empty spam from my email account Gmail proclaims, "Hooray, no spam here!" We need more "hoorays" in our daily lives.
• I like that when I'm with my friends and one asks for chapstick to hydrate her parched lips, it becomes a quick draw race and multiple hands thrust forward to the friend in need clutching a tiny tube of lip balm.
• I like that there is a certain stretch of storefront windows on North Washington Avenue in Minneapolis that flatter me with a long and lean reflection. Seriously, I have legs for days in those windows.
• I like that my local Dunn Bros knows me by my drink of choice: medium Chai Latte.
• I like that when I hear a particular song it reminds me of a fantastically random memory.
• I like that when I let my curls down for the evening, after being pulled up all day, they hold on to their form somewhat. It makes my hair look like its flying in the non-existent wind and it makes me giggle.
• I like that my dogs absolutely love me just the way I am.
  
• I like that my family thinks I am phenomenally talented even when I don't.

More of the randomness that is me...

• A life goal of mine is to develop a nonprofit that uses the arts to raise funds and awareness for various social issues, as well as to assist those affected by tragedy, illness, poverty, and violence.
• I love when the moon rises at night and also when it shows its face during the day.
• Bruises and scrapes resulting from playing sports, or being physically active make me feel tough. Bruises and scrapes caused by my own clumsiness make me laugh at myself.
  
• I have several quote books filled with the many hilarious comments my friends have made. In the future I plan on writing a novel using only their quotes as the dialogue. It should be interesting--very, very interesting.
• Ever since becoming a fan of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit I have been extremely suspicious of plain white vans like those used by painters and maintenance men. It seems that "perps" frequently drive those vans in particular.
  
• The first time I had a Twinkie I was in the sixth grade.
• I have incredibly weird dreams nearly every night. For example, I recently dreamed that I was swing dancing with Al Pacino.
  
• I love Robins. Last summer my mom woke me up one morning because there was an injured Robin in our driveway. We named the bird Chirpy and tried to nurse him back to health, but unfortunately were not successful in our efforts. Since I have lived in Minnesota I haven't seen a single Robin and it makes me miss Chirpy even more.
  
• I think that Free Runners are positively amazing athletes/artists.
  
• On the back of my left hand there is a small, faint, double "l" scar due to a tubing incident when I was in junior high. I hit a wave, my head whipped down and the braces bracket on my front left tooth collided with my hand cutting it.
  
• Men who can cook, build, speak a foreign language, draw, play a sport, make music, tell a joke, and/or love dogs and kids are incredibly attractive to me.
  
• I sort of wish I was a firefly so I could shine light on darkness. That's a strange wish, I know, but it's more metaphorical than anything.

Desperate Times call for desperate measures...

A few days ago I was finishing my hosting shift at the restaurant I work at around 3:00 p.m. when a woman came to the host stand. She was in her late thirties to early forties, well dressed, and somewhat frantic.

"Hi! I have a flight to catch and this is a really random favor, but all of the airport parking lots are full and I was wondering if maybe someone could help me by coming with me to the airport and then bringing my car back here and then my husband will pick it up later," she said in literally one breath.

I was somewhat taken aback by the desperation hanging in her voice, but I offered to help. "Well, I just finished working so I can go with you," I stated.

"Are you serious? I'll pay you! How much do you want?"

"Oh really, it's not a problem," I replied. And it wasn't. I was indeed done working and the airport was and is maybe a ten minute drive from where I work, so why not help her out? After all, if I were in her position I'd hope that someone would help me out as well.

I told my manager the situation and he gave me a concerned look. "Do you know her?" he asked. I told him that I didn't, but that I could "take her" if need be. I wasn't concerned though because she seemed like a nice woman who was really just in need of spur of the moment random help.

So I followed her to her car, which was a nice Volvo, and got in. She told me her name was Becky and that she was so appreciative of my help. "This is the most random thing I've ever done," she added. I said that I understood that desperate times call for desperate measures and that I was happy to help. She mentioned that she tried to get a cab, but that it was going to be a twenty minute wait--twenty minutes she didn't have to spare as she was off to Chicago for a business trip in which her boss would be picking her up.

During our brief drive we talked about how I was in search of a career, Oprah, and that the parking lots were full because of spring break. As we were nearing the drop off zone Becky's husband called her. He was obviously getting back to her after receiving a panic stricken voice mail. Becky gave him the 411.

"I made a new friend and she is coming with me to the airport and then is taking my car back to the restaurant and then you and Sara need to pick it up later. She'll leave the keys under my seat." She said all of this in, again, literally one breath.

"Are you serious?" he asked somewhat dubiously. Then he said, "Just give her the car. Does she need a car?"

We both laughed and she continued on with her conversation. She noted that she got my name and phone number because she wanted to pay me and said that I was looking for a job, so he should try and help me out. Then she pulled to a stop outside of the airport doors, quickly got out of the car, and flew open the back door pulling out her suitcase. With her cellphone in her left hand and up to her ear and her purse and suitcase in tow in her right hand she thanked me and rushed off to catch her flight. Typical business woman, right?

"Nice to meet you. Have a safe trip!" I said and then climbed into the front seat. I adjusted the seating position and mirrors and slowly drove away, laughing to myself the whole drive. I couldn't believe the amount of trust this woman had. I could have easily drove away with her vehicle!

I was very thankful that I didn't get pulled over or get in a car accident because would I have some explaining to do to the authorities! But the drive was just fine and I parked the car in the restaurant lot and locked the doors with the keys inside as I said I would. The whole experience was random and extremely joyful. Becky was so appreciative and it just really made my day that I could help keep her day rolling as planned. Again, the trust was absolutely awesome and I'm thankful I had the opportunity to help.

Random Me

Well I haven't posted for a little while, but I can't think of anything poignant to share with the blog world so I am opting to disperse some random information about me. Please don't think I'm self-centered for doing so because I'm really not a narcissistic person, promise. I just truly cannot think of an important topic to discuss. Anyway, on with the randomness...

• My thought process is all over the place. Let me tell you, it's quite the process of how I start at point A and arrive at point B. It's a good thing my friends and family are patient and have a good sense of humor.
• I have diagnosed myself as "slightly O.C.D." For example... All of my frames, knickknacks, and other decorations have to be "just so" (I inherited this trait from my mother); any labels must face forward; and CDs have to be the right side up in their cases. I'm not a "neat freak" when it comes to everything, but there are certain things that I like a certain way.
  
• Because I have extremely curly hair my older brother used to tell people that I stuck my finger in a light socket. This was absolutely hilarious to him when we were kids. Charming, isn't he?
• I can't leave home without chapstick in my pocket. But just in case I do forget to stash it in my pocket I have chapstick stored in my desk, nightstand, makeup bag, purse, and vehicle.
  
• I am very fond of bags of all sorts and wish that I had a Mary Poppins Carpet Bag. You know, like the one where she pulls a lamp out. It would make packing sooo much easier.
  
• I pass out when I donate blood, but I don't mind it too much because that means I get all the free juice and cookies I want. Yesss!
• I always have to have a full glass of water next to my bed at night.
  
• My feet look exactly like my mom's. It's almost eerie.
• My childhood ambition was to become the first woman in the NBA and then in about fifth grade I came up with the WNBA. Of course, it wasn't until 1997 before anyone paid any attention to me.
• I'm not a one word answer kind of gal, in fact I tend to ramble. It runs in the family.
  
• When I was in the first grade I was stepped on by a sheep in the face during my ride in a Mutton Bustin' contest. I took home the glorious first place trophy, however, complete with a golden plastic sheep. The next day at school my best friend asked, "What happened to you? Did you get stepped on by a cow?" Close enough.
• In high school I slept with my basketball. I swear that it helped my shooting touch.
• I'm very much so indecisive. Never ever ask me the following question: "Where should we go out to eat at?"
  
• My claim to fame is that I was referred to as "the artist" in a Page Six article of the New York Post a couple of years ago.